BEFORE & AFTER (POLL 33)

I ran this poll back in March about the quality of sex one has before and after getting married. It was referring to the quality mind you, not the quantity. One guy wrote in saying that he had more sex after he got hitched, indicating that he did not have to 'look' for it anymore because it was 'there' when he wanted it. However, when I asked if the sex was better now, he replied with a resounding 'No'.

Not surprising. For me, I am lucky because my SO is equally adventurous and is always willing to try out new things with me. That just makes it a whole lot more enticing. Seeing that marriage is a long-term commitment (at least that was what I was taught), the effect of sexual adventurism should never be under-estimated.

Anyway, here is how the 76 respondents voted to the poll 'Was your sex life better before marriage?'

Definitely: 48 (63%)
No Way!: 18 (24%)
What sex life?: 10 (13%)

Yet another reason why I keep telling you guys to spend more time spicing up your marriage. It's not something that is going to happen. And while it takes two hands to clap, raising your hand to get things off the mark is a positive start.

Missus Singapore out!

FUNNY ADS

This is a series of television commercials that apparently did not hit the goggle box. Pity, because they really drum the intended messages through. There is something about funny commercials that just makes my day.

I hope this will kick off the week with a smile on your faces. Have a greet week ahead.

Also, I'd like to thank LOLO, SoulMan, Karl, Sheena, JB123, Martia, CandyGirl and all the others who emailed me asking why their comments didn't go through. Well guys and gals, I mentioned it last month that I will be turning off my comments for a while because I really got sick and tired of the spam that was coming in.

I would spend a good 20 minutes sometimes, separating them from the genuine comments, so I decided to take a break from them. If you need to send me your jokes, queries, comments, cartoons, confessions or even to say Hi, please email me for now. I will let you know when I put the comments back online.

Missus Singapore out!

SAY 1-2-3

Hey peeps. Enjoy a good Sunday laugh with this joke sent in by James Bond. He is one of my regular sender of jokes and I picked this one for today.

"After many years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform his duties as a husband between the sheets. He goes to his doctor, tries a few things, but nothing works.

"It's all in your mind," says the doctor, and refers him to a psychiatrist.
After a few visits, the shrink confesses: "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." The psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.

The witch doctor says: "I can cure this."

He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

"This is powerful healing, but you can use it once a year," says the witch doctor.

"All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The guy then asks the witch doctor: "What happens when it's over?"

The witch doctor says: "All you or your partner has to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned; after that it will not work again for a year!"

The guy goes home, and that night he is so excited and anxious to surprise his wife. They get into bed and he says: "123," and just like magic he gets an erection.

His wife rolls over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"

Missus Singapore out!

MODESTOS PICK UP

If you live in Singapore, you would probably be familiar with Modestos, and Italian restaurant that has a few branches all over the island. Well, I was at one of them this evening for a dinner with five friends to celebrate one of their birthdays.

There was this absolutely gorgeous young thing there. She was a waitress and had a really hot and toned body with generous curves in the right places. I told my friends about her and they readily agreed with my observations.

So anyway, as she was taking my order, one of my gf's mouthed - when this waitress asked if there was anything else - 'She (me) wants to take you home too.'

She took a few moments to register what had been said and just smiled saying, 'Oh really? That would be great'. That took my girlfriends by surprise. I almost fell off my chair laughing.

So we just left it as that but when it came time to settle the bill, the same waitress came to me and in the bill file, she had slipped a note for me, with her number beside the words 'Call Me'.

I did call her later and although she had other plans for the night, she promise to call me back. She did however ask if it was true what my friend had said. And when I said yes, she immediately opened up saying what she would like to do with me when we were together. So let's just see how far this goes.

Whatever the case, I like Modestos, always have but now, at least if things fall into place nicely, I will love it even more for what they serve up after meals.

Missus Singapore out!

LIGHTS OUT, PLEASE

Thanks Jim, from Philippines. Are things really that bad for you in the sex department?

Jim says that while his wife is still horny at 62 years of age, she doesn't - for some reason - want to look at his tool anymore. Jim thinks it has to do with how wrinkled he is down there.

Okay Jim, to be honest, the thought of that is really quite a lot for a woman to take. Although, you can also be sure that if we all hit that age - well let's just say having sex in the dark is a given for the majority of us at a certain age. It is just not right, if you get my drift.

Missus Singapore out!

SAVING PRETTY VIRGIN

Here is a T-shirt message sent in by Margaret Luvlin, from Silas Creek, US. She is a 45 year old MILF, divorced with two children in their early 20s. Apparently, she wants to do her part in saving virgins by offering herself to all the horny men out there.

Talk about doing your part for society. Margaret writes, "I was and still am a regular mum but ever since I turned 40, there is this motor that just switches on every now and then when I get horny and it takes a long time to switch off - at least not until I've had my fill of sex. I am lucky to have two regular FBs, but a woman can never have too many FBs, can she?'

Well Margaret, ditto everything you are saying girl. Hope you continue to save all the pretty virgins out there. Thanks for the photo.

Missus Singapore out!

EYE CONTACT

Another element in flirting that is often underrated is forging eye contact with your intended target of interest. It is a natural part of showing one's interest. If you find something appealing, you will focus visually on it, like an art piece, a scenery or even a poster.

A guy you are interested in should also receive that same eye contact, that is if you really fancy to get to know him better. If you're the shy type, you can shift your looks elsewhere from time to time but whenever he talks to you, you really ought to look at him in the eye. Look elsewhere and he will immediately get the message.

By and large, guys usually struggle to pick up signals from women but for something like this, which can affect his ego, he will pick it up in a flash. Look elsewhere when he speaks to you and he will think you are more interested with the crack in the pavement, then what him.

On the flip-side, if you are the confident sort, try not to keep staring at him all the time. This can and will make him feel awkward and embarrassed. You would feel awkward too wouldn't you?

Missus Singapore out!

THE POWER OF A SMILE

I really like to smile a lot. But I suppose, one can never smile enough. It seems people don't smile as much as they used to. Maybe it's the weather here. Perhaps the crowds. However, smiling at the right moment can open up experiences you may never otherwise have.

A smile is one of the intrinsic elements of flirtation. It may not seal the deal, so to speak, but it does open the door to further opportunities. But what can it really achieve.

Consider this. You're sitting at a sidewalk cafe, on a typical warm Singapore afternoon. A decent looking guy walks past and offers a glance your way. However, he looks glum and there is an aura of gloominess about him.

Several moments later, another decent looking guy walks past but this one looks at you and smiles. Chances are you will want to get to know this one a lot more. That's the power of a smile. It has the tendency to immediately give one's appearance more warmth. He would seem more open and inviting.

So instead of grinning when you past by people, put on a light smile. Don't overdo it though. Grinning like a Cheshire cat may have you appear like a fake. Keep it real and you will appear to show interest. The best part is that it is usually contagious as well. What happens thereafter is up to you though but even if nothing comes out of it, you would have given yourself a chance to meet someone new. Either way, it will leave you feeling really good about yourself.

There is just too many unsmiling faces out there - something that needs to change.

Missus Singapore out!

NOT QUITE RIGHT

This week's video is an ad that promotes using condoms. While I am all for the idea, somehow the message just leaves a rather bad taste. I just feel that once the kids are here, there is no point regretting what might have been. The kid had no choice really.

As a parent, I think a kid's behaviour really has to do with how you bring him or her up. So the challenge is for the parents to step up and take responsibility. Yes, I know and I've seen kids at supermarkets or on the MRT who you just want to strangle but seriously, if I had a gun, I'd probably shoot their parents.


Anyway, thanks Gordon for sending in this one.

Missus Singapore out!

THE SILENT TREATMENT

Here is a joke sent in by James Bond. He actually sent in several good ones which I will also be posting soon. Thanks JB, wherever you are from. I hope your married life is much better.

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake
up.'

Missus Singapore out!

ASK THE BOLDER WOMAN

Here is an interesting question from Francine Viscount from N.D. Normally, I find myself answering questions on how to get more of something sex-related. I decided to tackle this one even though by Missus Singapore standards, is going against the grain.

Q: I love my fiancee and we intend to get married in spring 2012. There is no one I really want to spend the rest of my life with but him. However, if there is one thing I dislike, it's giving head. I am not sure why but would rather not do it. Is there any way you could suggest, that I could avoid going down on him without hurting his feelings?

MS: Well, there are so many angles to this. Why do you dislike giving head to begin with? Is there something that turns you off about it, or perhaps a bad prior experience?  I am assuming that none of this apply so here are my suggestions.

Try to let him know that you really suck (for lack of a better word) at it. I know that most men shudder at the thought of teeth getting anywhere near their tools. So try nibbling. Don't bite or you can forget about starting a family, at least with him.

Another observation is that guys really dig looking at a woman giving him a blow job. So if you act bored, or better still, look up at him and start making small talk in the midst, it might do the trick. Handle his tool without enthusiasm.

Of course my favourite, is to tell him these secret words that will have him ensure that he will never have your head anywhere below his waist - "Your dick kind of looks much smaller close up.'

Missus Singapore out!

SNAKE CHARMER

I love this toon. It reminds me of an old guy friend I knew who used to tease me as such. He always gestured when he had a hard-on and I would always be ready and eager to tame him.

Thanks for this strip Kevin. I love it and the graphics you sent in too. I may just use them sometime soon.

Missus Singapore out!

EAT IT UP

This was sent in by Patricia from Hong Kong. Apparently, her boyfriend went crazy and started buying quite a few for her.

However, he later broke out in some rash. Apparently, he was allergic to some food substances that were used in the manufacture of the products. Such fun! They really should put a disclaimer on it. I wonder if they have a 'Best Before' date.

Missus Singapore out!

HYPNOTISE ME

This is an interesting video sent to me by Terry Lee. Well Terry, if you are really able to elicit such an experience from me, my question is where do I sign up. Staged or not, the thought is simply intriguing. But I do however believe such things work.

I was with a friend in Sydney and we attended a show where a hypnotist actually hypnotised four people on stage (my friend was one of them) and made them do some things they never thought they would be caught doing. And later, my friend had no inkling of what she had done, which was pretend that she and this fat guy were a couple. She was all over him.

So if guys could learn how to hypnotised a woman in a pub, I suppose taking a cold shower at the end of the night will no longer be necessary.

Missus Singapore out!

CHOKED ON A CONDOM

Did you hear about the woman in Russia who had to be rushed to the emergency room because she had choked on a condom she had tried to swallow. Apparently after, she said that she got so carried away that she decided to eat the darn thing. I gather this was one of those flavoured types.

My only question is if they guy actually survived. Ouch!

Missus Singapore out!

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

This week's video is another example of sex being used to sell. Like it or loath it, it is here to stay. Somehow for many guys, I am told, a tool woman does it for them. I suppose it is the impression of her getting dirty and sweaty that does the trick.

While I myself love painting walls and doing the odd job requiring me to handle tools, for the life of me, I just can't do anything involving wires or electrical stuff. I can change a light bulb though but I doubt that counts.

Anyway, have a great week ahead and enjoy the video.


Missus Singapore out!

ADAM'S LEGACY TO MEN

It seems that a pattern has developed here. Women readers seem to be sending lots of jokes while male readers prefer sending in photos and toons. Don't know if that means anything but just thought I'd share it with you.

Esther from Nevada, USA, sent this joke which I found hilarious. I am sure many men will be cursing Adam for the legacy he left them. Enjoy!

Seems that God was just about done creating the universe. The Lord had a couple of leftovers in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to urinate while standing up. "It can be very handy," God explained to Adam and Eve. "Would either of you like that ability?"

Adam popped a cork. He jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me! It seems the sort of thing a man should be able to do. Please, Lord, let me have that ability. I would be forever grateful."

Eve just smiled and shook her head at Adam's display. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, then she really wouldn't mind if he were the one given the ability to urinate while standing up.

And so, the Lord gave Adam the ability to urinate while standing up. Then, He looked back into his bag of leftover gifts. "Now, what have we here? Oh, yes, multiple orgasms..."

Missus Singapore out!

GET INTO UNIFORM!

Here's a thought if you are looking for ways to spice up your sex lives. For many men, uniforms seem to do the trick. But more to that, I've also realised that it has the effect of getting a woman to slip into a different persona.

It's all about variety in this case. With a totally different personality, for a guy, it makes it seem as though he is with another woman. Now how many guys don't want that. Of course you could include a deeper plot of role-playing as you get more comfortable with the role you are playing.

If you are looking for non-expensive uniforms, all sexy, try out City Plaza near Paya Lebar MRT Station or my favourite, Bugis Street. You will find anything from sexy-school girl outfits, to Safari tour guide numbers that will leave little to the imagination and lots of blood rushing to where it matters for your man.

The best part - they are really affordable. Don't buy them from off the Internet. Fitting is a problem and they are not cheap considering that the quality is about the same as what you will get at the places I mentioned. After all, you are not going to use them everyday, are you.

Missus Singapore out!

FRIDAY THE 13TH

I have this theme party to attend tonight and I managed to borrow a hot devil costume, and hope to steam up the scene, well hopefully. It's my first official party after two months. I felt I was a little party weary after a 2010 filled with so many parties.

Part of my resolution this year is to keep my partying down and I have. So this is just reward I suppose. The good thing is that I have replaced lots of partying with exercise and I actually do feel and look a whole lot better, although at times, tired.

But I think feeling tired after a heavy workout is so much better than recovering from a hangover. But for tonight, I suppose, I deserve it. Who knows, I may just wear the outfit all the night through, even in bed - well for as long as I can keep it on that is.

It's Friday the 13th, so time to get evil and naughty!

Missus Singapore out!

HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT SEX

Well, according to Jord, who sent this in, he is learning to live without sex not that his wife of 17 years left him recently. Well my dear, if it makes you feel any better, we will all one day be there when our body just doesn't feel up to it.

For me, it's not the end of the world, just a ticket to hell (or heaven, depending on the way you see it). But seriously, I think I'd probably be busy in the kitchen, reading, or hell, even knitting a quilt (maybe several for every member of my family).

Anyway Jord, there is always a way. If your body is still able to, I say go out and get some. Get out the door and meet women. Let's put it this way, you will never get to first base if you don't show up for the game.

Missus Singapore out!

GUY CELL

This is apparently, the perfect cell for guys you tend to be randy all the time. Good excuse for being on the phone all the time. Thanks Gwendolyn, from Dallas. It gives a new meaning to phone sex, doesn't it.

I do recall seeing a cell for women sometime back but shame on me for not downloading it.

Missus Singapore out!

KUDOS TO MS

Just to let you people know that I've just received another accolade from the above institution. However, I am not quite sure how this would help me in the workplace. Well, perhaps it could. I could use it as a tool to rise up the corporate ladder. Or I could get a pay rise? Worse case scenario, I'd have a ride to work and back home everyday.

Missus Singapore out!

OPEN IT BABY

This week's video features some folks at a bar challenging each other on how to open a beer bottle with the most impact. As you would expect, the woman won. Thanks Peter for this video and also for the photo I am posting here. This guy can open my beer bottle anytime of the day or night.

Have a good week ahead. 

Missus Singapore out!

PLAYGIRL'S BOYS

Here is a cute little shot sent in by Clara P, from Adelaide, Australia. Not exactly Chippendale's but nonetheless, a very nice collection of men.

Speaking of Chippendale's, I recall some years back when there was this male stripper who was entertaining a party of women. I was there with a friend. He was a hot stud and had moves that got us very much engaged in his act. But midway through, he tripped on a carpet and hit his hard on smack on the side of the coffee table.

Several women showed some 'concern', one even offered to rub some ointment which she pulled out from her bag. I know it is mean of me but that was one of the most hilarious things I've ever witnessed in my life.

In case you are wondering,he survived.

Missus Singapore out!

MILLION DOLLAR DREAMS

I was talking to a guy friend the other day and whilst sharing a delicious stake sandwich (it was my time to indulge), we started talking about what either of us would do if we found a million dollars. Well, for me, I am realistic and pragmatic. It had to be pay off the mortgage for my apartment and then set aside a fair bit for my kids' university education.

With about 3/4 of that left, I'd probably open up a sex store with class. Not like the rather impersonal ones here with brash salespeople who have absolutely no sense of what and how to vendor their goods. I'd like a classy joint, with a good range of reading materials and nothing trashy about the place. The present state of stores here is exactly one reason why sex in Singapore is deemed so taboo.

Anyway, for my friend Don, he too had aspirations on how he would spend the million dollars. Simple for him. Get himself a nice bachelor pad where he can 'pound his ladies in peace and quiet'. I suppose he was referring to me.

Missus Singapore out!

POLE QUEEN

Described as the girl-next-door, Natasha Wang won the recently concluded US Pole Dancing Federation Championships. She really appears a girl-next-door but once she dons her outfit and does her thing, it's like she becomes possessed.

She is really amazing and the strength in that petite body of hers is really baffling. If you get a chance, watch it. The one thing that constantly was on my mind while watching her do her thing is serious injury cannot come easier for me.

This was the federation's aggressive attempt to change the perception of pole dancing as a sport and not some sleazy dance routine. Hey when will sex be given the same attention. I will soon launch the Singapore Sex Federation. Anybody interested in signing up for membership?

Missus Singapore out!

PETRIFIED PENIS

I love this shot. It was sent in my Andreas Litkov. Doesn't he just look so cute as if he is petrified of prying eyes. He looks as if he knows what's coming his way - being raped by a gang of sex-hungry women.

Missus Singapore out!

AN ERA OF DIFFERENCE

The Statue of David is a European Renaissance masterpiece depicted what Michaelangelo perceived as the perfect male anatomy. But imagine what if he didn't do it. Instead an artist from our Digital Renaissance era decided to depict the male form.

Think manual worker then and couch potato now. Here's what he would look like.

Missus Singapore out!

TAKE IT SLOW

I had the conversation the other day with two younger women I met during a press conference. We had met before and we really got along. So one was talking about how she always has to get hey guy off so quickly. The other readily agreed but I didn't.

I explained that more often than not, guys want to wait as long as they possibly can to ejaculate. Women need to know what they are thinking and not make quick judgments based on an erect and throbbing penis. This is assuming of course that we are not talking about a quickie.

For a man, the longer they wait, the better the payoff because when the momentum is built over time, they tend to enjoy a more intense climax. While it is difficult for most men to hold back when they are fully aroused, it is to no one's advantage when a woman assumes that his throbbing excitement translates to him wanting to ejaculate as soon as he can.

My suggestion is to lower the focus and intensity when he gets too excited. Pull it out and take a breather - a smooching time out for a few minutes - get him to go down on you or whatever, before returning to penetrative sex. His climax will be more intense for sure thereafter.

Another technique I try sometimes is to pull him out in the midst, and using your thumb and index finger, firmly squeeze the tip of his tool. It should cool him down for a bit and allow him to hold back his explosion.

Just a few tips I've tried. Hopefully, they will work for you too. As for the two young women, they were taking notes and promised to call me once they returned to their bedroom labs and tried it out.

Missus Singapore out!

SCUBA SEX ANYONE?

This week's video features ways to have scuba sex. I bet most of you never imagined. To be honest, me too, until I got a hold of this video send in by Colin from London.

While I can attest to having sex underwater and in the water, both at the beach (not a good idea) and in a hotel swimming pool, this one really takes the cake. Have a great week ahead and thanks again for following Missus Singapore.

Missus Singapore out!

SANS MODERATION

To a greater extent, I do believe in the phase 'Do everything in moderation'. Well, for me at least, when it comes to sex, moderation is not something I associate with it.

As long as there is an opportunity, I am ready for it. It's very much like the time when you are expecting. You tend to use it as an excuse to 'eat for two' but really, it's just a time to double indulge in all the things you were told all your life to eat in moderation. To come to think of it, early in the third trimester, sex was perhaps the only thing on my mind besides food.

So as long as it makes you feel good and is healthy (SEX IS HEALTHY), all I can say is go for it. Besides, the intimacy it brings to a relationship is something that is hard to replicate. Make time for it if its what keeps you in a good mood. But if you are looking for sex as a healthy lifestyle option, then you ought to take the bull by the horns and not just be satisfied by the man-on-top position. Expand your energy and take control once in a while. Sweat it out.

Missus Singapore out!