BEFORE & AFTER

Here is a joke sent by Lucile Wards, from Indiana. In her email, she also writes "men tend to be so nice when they want sex and after they get it, it's like they transform into something else."

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber.

The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"

The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."

Missus Singapore out!

GIGOLO CALL CARD

Here is the call card of a gigolo send in by bjtitsengolf43 from Malaysia. Thanks for sharing this with Missus Singapore.

Pretty impressive repertoire of services I must say but the only flaw in your calling card is that there is no number! Darn. Talk about teasers.

Missus Singapore out!

AVOID THE KISS STOPPERS

I was having a conversation with a girlfriend of mine the other day. We met for lunch and after our meal I was indicating to her that she had a piece of parsley stuck between her teeth. We started talking about it and agreed that it could be a kiss stopper.

Besides bad breath, I think getting food stuck between your teeth is surely a recipe to end any intention someone may have to kiss you. So I jotted down some tips during our conversation and decided to post it on Missus Singapore. So here they are and they focus mostly on keeping the breath good.

1. Always carry a little bottle of mouthwash in your purse. Having some floss handy is also a good idea.
2. Never leave home without a box of mints and always have a box tucked away in your bedside drawer just in case you have to wake up with company beside you.
3. When brushing your teeth, don't forget to brush your tongue too and also the roof of your mouth since it is where lots of the bad-breath germs hang out.
4. After every few bites, make sure you delicately touch the sides of your mouth with a napkin, whether you think there is anything there or not.
5. Before you leave the restaurant, excuse yourself to do a thorough check of your teeth and of course, use your mouthwash.

Hope that helps.

Missus Singapore out!

SPERM SUCKERED

I just love this illustration. Got me giggling for most of the day yesterday. Thanks Howard and good to know your wife is giving you time off to watch the NBA Playoffs. By any chance, did you sweeten the deal with her?

Missus Singapore out!

ONE WOMAN'S WRATH

It's quite common to come across a young couple having an argument these days and rarely if ever doesn't anyone pay attention to it anymore. A friend of mine refers to it as a non-event.

I recall a few months back, I was in a store and in one of the aisles, I witness such a 'conversation'. Apparently, this girl found out about her cheating boyfriend's exploits. But I suppose if you really want to get a message through, it's best doing what this woman in the photo did. The picture says it all.

Missus Singapore out!

SEXY COMMERCIALS

To start your week off on a good note, I've decided to use the video sent in by Candice from California.

She is 28 years old, attached and works as a legal administrator. In her free time, she loves scouring the Internet for funny videos. This is one of them. Thanks Candice and it certainly dissolved my Monday blues. It's a little long but worth the view. Check it out.

Missus Singapore out!

WINGS OF PLEASURE

I received another sex-toy the other day. It had been long coming and when it finally arrived, I was just so anxious to see what it was. Normally, they try to surprise me and yet again, it was a pleasant one.

It was the Butterfly Teaser. I actually had one years ago, but it was the kind which came with a strap around the waist and a wired control. It was great but it was also bulky and the material didn’t take too well when it came into contact with lube.

This one however, tagged a ‘Girl’s Best Friend’ from Adult Toy Shoppe came packaged in a little box and that surprised me. When I got it opened, I realised that it was a lot smaller and compact. (Apparently, technologists were not just working on creating smaller memory chips).

This sweet pink number barely covered the whole of my palm. There were no wires and the material used was high grade silicon, the material most good quality dildos and vibrators are made of these days. The design was also very feminine I must say, something that makes you feel like a woman and not like a female warrior strapped for battle.

For a tiny gizmo, the four tiny button batteries certainly delivered more power than I expected. Although there didn’t seem to be any speed controls, I figured that there were two speeds. I could be wrong but it did seem that when I turned the knob to the end, it did vibrate somewhat faster. But it didn’t really matter because for those of you who tend to be sensitive, the silicon cover of the butterfly certainly takes away the sting.

It was bearable as it was pleasurable. The wings especially, did wonders for me as it gently vibrated the external sides of your intimate parts. A little lube there would help though to prevent the silicon sticking to your skin.

I tried it three times so far and the longest I took to get off was 6 minutes and 23 seconds while the fastest was 4 minutes and 11 seconds. In all cases, it was relaxing and not too overbearing (even at the higher speed).

The great thing about this butterfly is that it is easy to wash and store because of its size. I only wish it came with a pouch of some sort for storage. Also, I would definitely have preferred if a single AAA battery was used for a power source because the button battery types of a particular size are not exactly easy to find with so many different sizes around.

Here is the MS VERDICT on the Butterfly Teaser:

Delivery: 4 out of 5

Packaging: 3 out of 5 – I like that the box was small. However, I didn’t quite like the button batteries. I would have preferred a single AAA battery fitting so that I could use recyclables.

Design: 4 out of 5 – There is a soft feminine touch about it and the absence of straps or a separate controller was what I liked most.

Function: 4 out of 5

Total MS Score: 15 out of 20 (GOOD)

Missus Singapore out!

BREAKFAST BOOST

As I always stress, while sex tips are always great, the fact is, more often than not, they do not work across the board for everyone. So when I do receive tips from readers, I always try my best to try them out myself just to see if they carry any water to begin with, before I blog about it.

Even so, just because they may also work or not work for me, it does not translate to a similar outcome for you. The message is, and I will stress it again, is that you need to continue to explore and discover it for your own. If anything, the adventure is worth it.

So this one suggested how to get your man ready for sex in the morning. Make him cereal with chopped apple and almonds. Apparently these two food substances contain high levels of phenylethylamine, which will help boost his moods.

I prepared the concoction as suggested for five days straight. It didn't really work over the first two days but by the third day, wonders of wonders because I noticed that he was definitely in the mood and his erections were harder and lasted a lot longer. By the fifth day, I was convinced that it was working because he left me breathless, which was not often.

Since we are on the subject of phenylethylamine, I am told that avocado is also great. And get this, instead of chocolates, it seems that cheese will do a better job because it contains even more of the substance than the former does. But if you must go with chocolates, go with the dark ones. They are better.

Good luck.

Missus Singapore out!

MS ADVISORY

This simple and direct anti-Aids poster was sent in by Micaela from Mozambique. According to her, this is a poster commonly seen in her hometown of Maputo, the southeastern African nation.

Thanks so much for this. I wish some developed countries had such simple posters because sometimes, to get a strong message through, it doesn't take much creativity.

Missus Singapore out!

RAISE THE HEAT

It is a tried and tested fact that men love aural. So to raise his temperature, here is what some 30 women polled actually say to their men. I have listed it from low to high in terms of raising a man's temperature on his sex thermometer.

LOW: This song is so sexy.
MEDIUM: Talk dirty to me baby!
HIGH: I feel so frisky tonight! or You make me feel like doing something nasty!
BOILING POINT: Did I mention that I'm not wearing anything under my skirt?

For the Medium and High statements, 11 of the 30 women claimed to have their man in bed by the end of the night. In the last one (Boiling Point), 7 women used it and all got their men (on or beneath them) within two hours!

Interesting what mere words can achieve.

Missus Singapore out!

DARN CHARADES

Those were the days when television transmission ended at 9pm. It was a time when board games took centrestage for the whole family. Charades was one of them and this cartoon sent in by Michelle Clarke from the US, bring back fond memories. Although I have to say, I never remember it getting so explicit.

Missus Singapore out!

EASTER GIFT IDEA

With Easter coming up, here is a gift idea for the man in your life. I figure he got bored with you dressing up in your bunny costume for the past few years.

It's the perfect girt really. It has everything he wants and now he can get it with the click of a button.

Missus Singapore out!

HOW TO BE A BILLIONAIRE BITCH

This is an interesting video of the week. I actually know of a girl in India who married a much older man for his money. She actually claimed to 'sex him to death'. Unfortunately for her, she didn't know that he had already left the bulk of his wealth to the town where he grew up in. She was furious, went to court to claim what she thought was hers but loss.

So it doesn't always work this way. Still, its a funny video to watch. Enjoy your week ahead peeps.

Missus Singapore out!

TASTY SEX TIPS

Here is a tasty sex trick to try in bed. It was sent in by FabBoy from Sweden. He is only recently married (in December 2010) and claims to have a very frutiful sex life thus far.

Well, FabBoy, we all have it too. The challenge really is keeping the same sparks flying after 10 or 20 years. The sex may not be as good for some but the key is not about having good sex after that long. It's about reinventing and continuous exploring the realm of sex.

Many times, we may not have certain preferences when we are young but as we mature, things may change. Blame it on the hormones or whatever you like but its a natural process. Lets put it this way, when we were very young, didn't we just hate the opposite sex? Look at what we try to do to each other these days? So be conscious about that and keep exploring with each other.

Anyway, here is his tip.

FabBoy writes: "Fill the bathtub halfway with water then pour bath gel over each other's bodies. As you lie down in the bath, get your woman to lie on-top and instead of going straight into penetrative sex, try getting each other off by rubbing your bodies together. Amazing."

Sadly FabBoy, not many of us in Singapore have bathtubs installed. We live in pigeon holes over here. But I like the idea.

Missus Singapore out!

NO FAST-FORWARDING

I was reading through this sex study the other day. Quite old but I do think it still is relevant today. Apparently, this exercise was recommended by a sex therapist for women whose partners tend to rush through the good parts of sex.

It suggests having a man lie still on his back while you stroke, caress, and kiss him all over for about 30 minutes. He is not allowed to reciprocate. Should the man fail this test, he is the kind who usually rushed through foreplay and it may not augur well for the sexual relationship.

The key is to do it until he passes. In other words, groom him for your satisfaction.

Sounds good but I am thinking that the men too want something to groom their woman. There must be a test for it. For example: the faster she goes down on her man, she passes the test. For some men though, if she goes down at all, then she will pass.

Missus Singapore out!

ASK THE BOLDER WOMAN

Here is a question sent in my Martha Simon from Malaysia. She is 26 and works as an executive in a global advertising firm based in her homeland. She sent in a question that I have to admit, many women have asked me before. So here is her query and my best answer for her.

Q: I have been with my fiance for four years and love him a lot. However, lately, I find it harder to get aroused thinking of making love to him. The one solution I have found out is to fantasize about him making love to another woman. That always does the trick for me. In fact, I now pretend that I am the other woman. But that said, I am a very jealous woman and cannot bear to think of him with someone else. What is this about me?

MS: Well, the one thing I can say about sex is that feelings and fantasies about them are often not easy to explain. You have to know that they do not necessarily reflect what we actually want.

However, in a long-term relationship, one of the major challenges I find is to keep sex exciting. And to that extent, fantasy is one possible technique. While it is healthy and normal, I strongly suggest that you give some thought about why sex with him has become what it has.

How do you wish for it to be different? Perhaps you might share it with him because chances are, he might be feeling the same way too.

Maybe it is too routine? Too infrequent? Too often? Does he do things to you you don't particularly like? And does he know about that? Or do you wish for him to do certain things to you?

You will be surprised what many couples like yourselves can achieve by simple communication. In fact, talking sometimes can be a real turn on as you both discover a deeper side of each other.

Consider this. You could role play? Make believe that you are both married to someone else and are sneaking about. Test the waters by saying that you feel like you are his mistress while you are making love to him. Listen and watch for his reaction. By being someone else, you can tell him the different things that you like. Use some creativity to bring the spark back. It won't just happen by yourself so go about it as a team and I am sure you will find the right formula in no time.

Missus Singapore out!

AUSSIE AUCTION

This joke was sent in by George, from Australia. I really wonder if he's talking about his wife. So is this what auctions in Australia are like? Anyway, enjoy this. I certainly did.

A wife woke up from her night's sleep and began recounting her dream to her husband.
"I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks in this place,"she began, "the big ones went for a tenner and the thick ones went for 20."

"How about the ones like mine?" asked her husband.
"Those they gave away," she replied tongue in cheek.

"I had a dream too," started the husband. "I dreamt they were auctioning off fannies. The pretty ones went for a 1000 and the little tight ones went for double that!"

"And how much for the ones like mine?" enquired the wife to her husband.
"That's where they held the auction," he replied.

Missus Singapore out!

WANK WARNING

I had a good laugh when I received this a few days back. It was sent by a 23-year old guy DJake, from Belgium, who somehow, also found it necessary to send me a photo of his tasty schlong. Tasty because it had a generous spread of whipped cream all over it.

According to him, his girlfriend got him to do it sometime back.

Hmmm....Now when a girl ask to do that, it could mean one of two things. She either likes to kill two birds with one suck (I mean stone) - have oral sex and a snack at the same time, or she is trying to add some taste to a tasty main course. Go figure.

Anyway, thanks for the photos. By any chance were you from the same University?

Missus Singapore out!

WEIRD ARRIVALS

I swear the keywords that bring visitors to Missus Singapore are getting weirder by the week. So say that the latest ones baffle me is putting it mildly.

It reads: Why is my wife horny on Wednesday and Friday?

Now you get what I mean? These are the actual words used according to the blogspot stats. While the question alone is not particularly unbelievable, why search engines lead them to Missus Singapore is.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't recall posting anything like this - but it does give me some ideas on finding out which days of the week most women are most horny.

For me that is a hard one. Perhaps for most others too because there are countless factors involved. Believe me, for a woman, there are always factors, lots of them.

Naturally, I'm always ready to spring into action but if I had my back against the wall, I'd say my body clock has groomed me to expect a hot sweaty Friday and Saturday - and I am not just talking night here.

Weird as it is, I suppose I have to be grateful that search engines are bringing people to Missus Singapore. But I'd appreciate if anyone could still enlighten me on how keywords like those end people up on my site.

Missus Singapore out!

PLUG THE LEAKS

I love this video. Thank you Joyce for sending this. If you are gonna tape yourself having sex, make sure you NEVER put it on the computer. You think you erased it but I am told it never really gets wiped out.

I use a hard-disk camcorder and make sure I record over it each time. I know there is still a possibility of it getting leaked but thankfully, celebrity status eludes me so I'm rather safe I think. If it does leak out, chances are it will hit the Net and the interest will die a quick death. Phew. (I can wishful think can't I?)

Anyway, enjoy the week ahead.

Missus Singapore out!

MILF MISCONCEPTION

I cannot begin to count the number of emails and comments that I've received asking where to find hot MILFs in Singapore. Well, they are all around you and you just have to open your eyes to find them.

One guy wrote in to clarify that MILFs are hard to come by and they are not always so easy to get to bed. Well, MILFs are not necessarily eager to get into bed with men other than their spouses. Being a MILF doesn't imply that a woman is ready to have an extra-marital fling guys. It just means that she is a hot mum and someone that you fancy doing the nasty with.

Lots of misconceptions really. As for me, well I'm a MILF too and whether or not I am willing, is just something you will have to find out by reading my blog's archives.

Missus Singapore out!

EGG GONE BAD

These are bad times.

Not long ago, I announced the death of my favourite dildo. After nine years of serving me well and going places that only a select few have explored, it just started to peel away. I've not really got over that loss and now I have to face another.

The motor on my trusty egg vibrator died on me. It is only about five years old and has given me loads of pleasure on those lonely nights. My significant other managed to open it and found the components in them had crumbled to pieces.

It too has served me well and some of the biggest orgasms I've had are with it's help. So it does appear that I will be shopping for new toys pretty soon. But honestly, I may keep away from the motor-driven ones, for now at least.

Missus Singapore out!

SPICY MOVIE

This is one of my favourite movie scenes. Have you guys watched it? It's called the Monkey's Mask and stars Kelly McGillis and Susie Porter. Honestly, the overall plot is not a strong one but the few scenes when the two main stars come together is really a combination of passion, lust, sensuality and suspicion. Love it!

Anyway, here is a scene from the movie. And just in case you didn't know, Kelly McGillis was really convincing in this role because by then, she had turned a corner in her sexuality and embraced lesbianism.

Missus Singapore out!

MARRIAGE HUMOR

I just received this a few days back and I thought I'd share it with all my married readers out there. It was sent by anonymous.

Marriage Joke 1
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always

Marriage Joke 2
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he’s finished.

Marriage Joke 3
On the day I got married, my uncle gave me his piece of personal wisdom.
He said: In the first year, the wife is obedient. She listens to whatever you say. So enjoy yourself.
In the second year, the role changes & the husband listens to his wife. So it's her time to enjoy.
In the third & succeeding years, there are no more such roles. So the neighbors listen to what you shout at each other. And they enjoy.

Marriage Joke 4
Jill tells her husband, “Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can’t you do that?” “Gosh,” Jack says, “why I hardly know the girl.”

Marriage Joke 5
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don’t know son, I m still paying for it.

Marriage Joke 5
Marriage is a three ring circus: – Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.

GIRL GONE POLITICAL

As i posted a few days ago, the General Elections in Singapore are around the corner. Interestingly, there is a new candidate that the ruling party is fielding. Initially, I was proud that another woman has finally entered politics.

I was thinking how she could possibly add more weight to the importance of women in society. Moreover, being only 27 years young, I was also thinking she would be a good voice for the youth. But then I heard her speak and my enthusiasm went crashing to the ground.

I am not going into political issues but let's just say if all women speak or carry themselves like her, there is every reason to feel that men would just be better left to run our affairs. Not only is she turning out to be a pompous giddy-headed girl but one who has certainly no idea what frequency women or youth for that matter are on these days.

My point is, sometimes, when your talents are not in public speaking or spontaneous Q&A, just keep a low profile and stay out of the limelight. Oh and one male reader wrote in to say why, 'with so many attractive and intelligent women out there, has the ruling party have to get a pig-headed woman with nothing to look at'.

Well, unfortunately, I have to jump in her defence to state that not all beautiful and intelligent women are willing to jump on the political bandwagon. Most are in fact smarter than that. For me at least, it is not all about looks. It's more about charisma and how you carry yourself but unfortunately, that is where she fails short.

Missus Singapore out!

READER DEMOGRAPHICS (POLL 32)

During the months of January and February this year, I held a poll to outline the demographics of readers of Missus Singapore and interestingly, there has been a swing since I last ran a similar poll in 2009.

Married women make up the biggest group at 28%. In the last poll, single men took up the bulk of readers polled at 51%. So this means that Missus Singapore is finally, after almost five years, reaching its intended target.

Also worth noting is the increase in married men. This time, they were at 19% compared to a paltry 4% the last time around.

Thank you all for taking part in this poll. It helps when I know who is reading and what my readers want.

Detailed Figures
Single man - 56 (25%)
Single woman - 42 (18%)
Married man - 44 (19%)
Married woman - 64 (28%)
Divorced man - 4 (1%)
Divorced woman - 14 (6%)
Total no. of respondents: 224

Missus Singapore out!

THE FAKE AND THE BEAUTIFUL

Early in the millennium, I did an article for a local women's magazine on breast augmentation procedures. In the process, I got to see several women who had their breasts enlarged and it didn't really appeal to me because it was rather obvious.

How things have changed. Although you can still spot a fake pair of breasts, I have to admit that its getting less obvious. According to one plastic surgeon I spoke to, techniques have improved but he puts it down to the quality of implants available these days.

The procedures are apparently safer, faster with less downtime and more realistic results. Also, the prices have come down considerably. Still, I'm not really keen at looking to enlarge my tatas anytime soon. Maybe in the future I might consider firming but implants, well I don't think so.

Anyway, enjoy this week's video sent in my Tinlamp23, from California. He is a 44-year old jewelry salesman who is a regular visitor to Missus Singapore. Thanks so much Tinlamp23 and I envy your wife on birthdays and Christmas.

Missus Singapore out!

VOTING IS SEXY

Well in case you didn't know, Singapore is experiencing election fever. While I am not going to delve into politics, what I will say is for all Singaporeans to let your vote talk. If you are not happy about something, make a statement with your vote. Besides, this poster (if you believe it) says that voting is sexy.

I honestly don't know about that because Singaporeans have traditionally shown up at polling stations really early and are all blurry-eyed, unkempt hair and for some, still in their PJs. In any case, vote wisely.

Missus Singapore out!

WEBCAM MODEL

My significant other and I are in the midst of doing the groundwork for co-writing a book. For now it is looking at all the outlets of sexuality and how sex really sells in real time and virtually. One of the areas we highlighted was with online adult chat.

I asked around and actually entered some of these chat rooms to chat up with these models. Unfortunately, unless you register as a member, they don't give you the time of day. Then I figured, even if I registered, the chances of them corresponding with me and giving me some insights would be very slim.

So after much deliberation, I decided that the only way to get the inside scoop is to become one myself; a webcam model that is. Well, it's just part of the job I guess if you really want to get to the bottom of a story, sometimes you just have to wear the coat and do some investigative journalism. I learn that from my significant other so I shall report what I find out in the coming months. I just don't want to short-change the readers of this book and want to give them as accurate an insight as possible.

Sounds interesting but honestly, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I've done phone sex before but to be seen on cam, gosh, it will take some getting used to. If any of you have any experience or have visited such sites before, do share your experiences with me. All your inputs will be kept strictly confidential, I assure you.

So if you do come across me, in one of these sites, do drop in to say hello.

Missus Singapore out!

GET YOUR COUPONS

It's time to make your one-time-only purchases from Missus Singapore. Apparently, when times are bad with the street-walkers, they issues these seasonal coupons. But I think it is also a great idea for married couples. Women can give their men this when they do the chores, take the dog out for a walk, buy them roses at least once a month and for some, go down on them.

Thanks Amanda from South Africa, for this. I appreciate your kind comments about MS and I do hope your man is enjoying his coupons. My only question is if coupons to have a day off from doing the chores would go down better with him.

Missus Singapore out!