SKINNY DIPPING SHOW

I remember almost 15 years ago, a friend of mine and her then boyfriend were fined for skinny dipping in a condominium pool here in Singapore. They subsequently paid the fine and that was the end of it.

If that were to happen today, chances are the fine would be the least of their problems. With digital technology packed away in everyone's pocket these days, you will probably find your photos splashed all over the local forums.

Singapore is small and in a world that has grown smaller over the years, you can imagine how familiar your faces would appear to Singaporeans. Which is why I always believe that if you can stay out of a scandal in Singapore, despite your promiscuous habits, you can make it anywhere in the world.

As the video shows, you can never be too careful these days. Being spontaneous is one thing but you also have to be careful when you play.

This video was sent in by Yong, who hails from our northern neighbour, Malaysia. Thanks for all your kind words and I hope to use some of the other videos you sent in later. You will get your 'reward' when you decide to visit.

Missus Singapore out!

SEX POSITION FOR THE WEEK #6

On the Edge
Now, this week's position is also known as the Fireside for the simple reason that you would normally associate it in the living room by the fireplace. Of course in these parts, only an absolute idiot would have a fireplace, so On The Edge sounds more appropriate.

You'll need a sturdy chair for this one - nothing flimsy. (A bed with a hard mattress would also work.) It should have arm-rests too and preferably only as high as where a man's tool would hang in a comfortable kneeling position.

Sit at the edge, wrapping your hands around his neck or you can also support yourself on the arm-rests. It's best if the material of the chair is not too silky or your butt will have a hard time finding enough grip to stay in the same position. Too leathery and you might suffer abrasions from all the to-and-fro rocking.

You could also try leaning backwards (I prefer a hard cushion behind my head) with the guy using the arm-rests for support. And if the chair is narrow enough, you can also use the arm-rests to place your legs over.

For me, this is one position where I like slow strokes, in and out, and if he is coming in at a slightly lower angle, that is great as his head rubs against your upper inner walls. The slow friction is really a turn on.

If he stands at an angle, bending towards you and slipping into you, then he should extend himself a little upwards so that his tool goes in at a downward pointing angle and rubs your lower walls. That is also great but too long at it and it does kinda induce the sensation of wanting to take a leak - that's the best I can describe it in my case.

If guys want to thrust hard, be careful not to slip out and hit a woman on the clit, which can be a total turn-off for many. Sometimes, you achieve the most by doing less.

UPDATES: If I was guilty of not getting enough of the position two weeks ago (cunninglingus), the hubby certainly wasn't complaining about the last week's one - fellatio. I took the opportunity to explore different skills and improve on the existing ones. I'm happy to report that it has done my jaw (and tongue) muscles a whole lot of good.

I have to admit that for a woman, it can get addictive especially when there is a yummy dick at the other end. Just take the time to spoil every inch of his tool and you'll soon discover the spots you want to focus more on.

Wendy, a 38-year-old homemaker from Singapore, who has been a regular follower of the column is one writer who emails to update me on her progress. Here's an extract of her most recent email.

"MS - I appreciate that the positions are not new ones but by highlighting them, it made me want to focus a little on improving my sex skills. I always knew how to give a blow but never really knew - if you understand what I mean. But this week, after doing it on my husband for nine years, I finally got it right. I actually blew him until he came. Three times in total and no hands! He is so excited and has been asking me where I have been picking up these new techniques."

Missus Singapore out!

IF NOT FOR EGOS

It's just my observation but by and large (not always), I've noticed that the size of a man's ego is somewhat indirectly proportional to the size of his dick.

I knew this young fellow sometime back, skinny young chap who tries to hide his lack of body mass with muscles (you know the type). These are the ones who foolishly think muscles equals masculinity!

Well, he failed terribly to put up a sense of machismo and was yet so certain that his perceived prowess in bed can satisfy any woman. Who does he think he is trying to fool?

I simply loved to pretend to play up to his whims and fancies knowing full well that he wouldn't be able to excite a bee hive as hard as he humped it.

The thing about some men is that they get so suckered into believing that they are great in bed once you say so. Yeah, we do it to hopefully give them a boost to fuck us better and harder. I have quite a good gauge of this and all my life, I've only really had four guys who could really fuck and rock my world - thankfully I snagged one of them!

For a species who thrives on porn, you would have thought that men might have picked up a tip or two about how to do it right. Granted porn is all staged and we don't get to see the multiple takes they make but by George, there are some things you just can't miss.

If your tool is tiny, then you might have problems but you can take the time to learn how to work around it.

This guy claims he has a big head but I rate it average at most. His ex was less kinder. But what really baffles me is he calling his tool big when its really as short as they come. As such, without the right skills, you just ain't gonna do it for most women.

The bummer - he cums ultra quick! Lots of grunts, "Oh shit! I'm coming! Oh Shit!" and well Oh Shit - what a disappointment for me - Oh Shit!

This guy has a girlfriend whom I don't care about really. If he chooses to screw around, why should I feel guilty. Hell, if someone succeeds in screwing my hubby than there is no one to blame but him and perhaps me to a certain extent for not addressing his needs. Of course I'll bite off his balls later but that's another story.

The problem with men like this is that they are never going to succeed in any relationship if they insist on thinking too highly of themselves and treating women with disdain and lack of respect.

I just get off watching an egotistical bastard squirm in agony once I drain every last ounce of his cock juice. Obviously he is not as smart as he would like to think because otherwise he would know that dealing with a cougar is nothing like dealing with a sweet young floozy he calls his girlfriend - the same one he deceives to death when he makes his late-night sojourns over.

This post stemmed from another email, actually several, from older women talking about younger men. The cougar concept is actually not a new one to them, a few having screwed younger men since the late 90s. But many of them have also expressed tiredness at their high egos which unfortunately does not come with great skill in bed.

One woman wrote: "If he could fuck well, I would probably not mind his ego. But I am certainly not gonna stand for it if he can't take his time or even know how to satisfy me after several meetings. Young men are nice to look at, good for a few runs and then, poof, they just lose it all together."

Another remarks: "It's all the hype that has boosted their egos. But trust me (I can't believe I am saying this) - I'm beginning to appreciate the older man (>35 years old) more. He takes his time, knows what to do and where to touch you and best of all - can hold an intelligent conversation without talking about what they have achieved. Young men - best to play with them then throw them out. They are only good for awhile unless they get their acts together. But groom a young man right and he can be a real catch."

I may not necessarily share all their sentiments but I will say this - Young men in general have a long way to go before they can get a star in bed from me. They make too many claims without substantial evidence. Humility and treating a woman right - have and do this and you'll find yourself a regular spot on many a (older and younger) woman's bed - mine included.

Missus Singapore out!

HEALTHY WEIGHT FOR GOOD SEX

A nurse wrote in sometime back to comment on a post. After exchanging several emails, we realised that we actually went to the same high school way back. What a pleasant coincidence.

Anyway, she is now a senior nurse clinician at the weight management department in a local public hospital. She was actually commenting on a post about women who are confident about their overweight bodies.

Here is a gist of the email she sent.

"I'll bet you that most overweight women hate how they look when they stare in the mirror. Of course to mask that, they will tell everyone how good they feel about themselves - either they have breasts that they never had, or fill up clothes better. I can tell you that they are just fooling themselves."

She adds: "How can anyone possibly in their right mind feel good that they are putting their health at a tremendous risk to cardiovascular and other health problems. Stop fooling themselves and make changes asap before its too late. More often than not, the patients we see, the women in particular, are mostly married and let themselves go. They often complain about their poor sex lives - I wonder why"

Well, I suppose many of my friends who have let themselves go seem to fit the bill but they do seem a bubbly lot really.

Thinking back, I did a survey of 270 men on what they felt about overweight women, not plump but overweight bordering on obese. It was quite an extensive survey but to extract the relevant parts - only 19 or 7% found them sexually appealing while only 13 or 5% would want to be in a relationship with one.

Okay, to me, that's just the typical superficial male's opinion. Personally, I don't mind the least how someone looks as long as she is comfortable with herself but at the back of my mind, I have to admit that I'm concerned about the health implications for them being overweight.

Sex wise - I wonder if they can give their all or get the most from sex, but perhaps they are lucky enough to find a man who has sexual leanings towards overweight women. But then again, men a fickle and after the novelty diminishes, who knows - resentment might set in.

I mean to justify your weight, there are always forums to find such people hailing how happy their are to be fat - but almost no one talks about the health implications. Get real please, before it's too late!

Missus Singapore out!

I'VE GOT TO TAKE A PUBBING BREAK!

I never thought I'd ever say this but I have to take a break from the pub scene. Since the beginning of the year, its been too regular for my liking. I know there are many who do it a whole lot more than me but personally, twice a week is a little too many times.

So from this month, I will try to cut it down to once a fortnight. It's just that it really becomes boring after sometime. Besides, I'd rather catch up with friends over tea or coffee where I can hear myself for a change. We always end the night with a coarse throat after all the shouting.

To come to think of it, we do have more fun when we meet up at a friend's place and take turns at each other's homes. The thing is - while I can certainly hold my liquor well - it does have you drinking more and more each time. You may not get drunk in the end but it does leave you with a nasty hangover to deal with the next morning.

I wouldn't say that the club scene is really happening in Singapore. In the 1980s, that was the boom time! But these days, you will probably have more fun in Kuala Lumpur, our neighbour's capital city.

Those days it was all about fun. Today, it's more about young people challenging each other on who can drink the most. I don't want to give them the option of saying they are young so they have the passport to act childish and stupid, because we were young too but we were the cool generation, street-smart and sexy. Where has class gone?

Anyone got a good antidote for a hangover?

Missus Singapore out!

OUT WITH IT!

Back to your confessions. Too many to feature so here are three for now. The titles are my own doing and I hope you (the contributors) don't mind. It's nothing more that to jazz things up. Nothing personal because you know I don't judge - I'm the last person who should be judging anyone!

Model, Mother & The Wanker
MIKE: I knew this girl sometime back in 1988. She had just won the Glamour Awards - A major modelling competition at the time. I only hung around her because of her really gorgeous friends but strangely enough she was not very good-looking. Her height won her the competition really.

So anyway, to remain in her good books, I fucked her quite a lot. But one day, I was there earlier and she was caught up in some course. I can't remember. So her mum opened the door and boy was she hot! Full figured woman with a nice rack and she must have been in her 40s then.

So anyway, to cut the story short, she was wrapped in a towel. Being a young horny dude, I had a hard on which she could notice and laughed about it. I still remember her words - "I still have a towel on and you're already hard. What if I did this?"

She dropped her towel revealing the best set of tits I had seen in all my young life. I gagged like an idiot and should have made my move but didn't. She stooped down to pick up the towel and gave my dick a tug. I almost died.

After over 20 years, I still think about that moment. I really wanted to fuck her but all I did was excuse myself to the washroom to jerk myself off! How pathetic! The girl I was seeing never knew about it and I'll die if she ever does especially since she is now my wife!

MS: Ah, a real life motherfucker.

HOLY SLUT!
Kaira Jerome (22): I've always been the conservative type. My parents (dad is a pastor) were strict with my brother and I so we hardly ever strayed out of line. However, a year ago, I went to the mall one afternoon to get some groceries. I met an old friend who was a store manager there.

We had coffee after that and I used to see him quite often. He had married a cousin of mine. I'm not sure what came over me but one night, I just felt like heading to the store knowing full well he would be there. It was a slow night and I followed him into the back to have some coffee with him.

I think it was me who began touching and then kissing him. I ended up giving him a blow. For several times we did it until last year around July when we finally had sex. Now we do it almost every week and I find myself looking forward to it. My cousin comes around sometimes and I'm somehow not bothered in the least. The best part is now, when she advises me how to keep her many happy, I just snigger silently.

MS: I like your style. It's like what I did to several gf's boyfriends before. It feels good to be the nasty one once in a while, doesn't it.

BUSTED BY A BASTARD
Lukman(37): In a strict muslim country, sex between unmarried couples is forbidden. I come from such a country. So as a policeman, we check on these things. But one time, we caught one of my unmarried neighbours who was around 25 years old having sex with a man I had never seen before.

There were two of us, me and another younger officer. So when he asked me what to do when she started begging, I told the man to get lost.

She offered to give us a blowjob to forget about it but we ended up fucking her before sending her on her way. Nowadays, when I want it, I can get it anytime.

MS: Lukman - you are what I call a dirty cop!

Missus Singapore out!

CONFESSION OR CELEBRATION?

Thanks Kyle for the e-book and the jokes you sent in. I really appreciate your kind words and sure, if you are ever in these parts, let Missus Singapore pamper you!

I hope you'll enjoy this because I certainly had a good laugh.

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice."

The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."

"So then, why are you telling me?" responded the priest.

"Hell! I'm telling everybody!"

I suppose when age catches up, there will come a time when you will take anything that comes your way. I guess it is really more challenging for men then it is for women once we're old. They have to get blood where it matters - which isn't always an easy thing to do when your circulation is not working at optimum. For women, it's always going to be a lot easier but where men need a boost in circulation, we too need a boost of sorts - lubrication.

Missus Singapore out!

RUMOUR TUMOUR

The trouble with rumours - once their seeds are planted, true or not, they keep growing like a tumour - busting with suspicion. Hard as you like, you just can't seem to shake them off.

Marilyn, a long-time pubbing buddy of mine disclosed a fortnight ago that she was the subject of a rumour circulating around her office - colleagues seem to think that she has been sleeping around with the higher-ups to gain advancement in her career.

I know many women who do and an equal number who are dogged in a morally-correct push up the corporate echelons but I know her to be absolutely serious in her career. That said, I know that its really a challenge not to be embroiled in a rumour that can emerge from just about anywhere, especially when you are attractive woman or the sociable sort. Yes, women then to be more susceptible to them.

So the ultimate question - did she or didn't she.

She swears that she didn't, well at least not intentionally.

Apparently, her CEO's secretary had a personal tragedy to deal with and with Marilyn's boss in another department away in the US for training, she was seen as the perfect short-term solution to fill up for the CEO's secretary.

She is the personal secretary of a manager from another department and all she really had to do, was to take down the CEO's thoughts on paper, help compose some letters and bring coffee twice a day.

Because she was in another department, she would make her coffee from her pantry and bring it to the CEO's office - which meant walking all the way from her desk, along numerous cubicles and into the CEO's office.

Of course only the HR and a few other colleagues knew about this arrangement but otherwise, to all the rest, it appeared that she was somehow currying favour with the CEO by bringing him in coffee and spending some time chatting (but really she was there taking notes).

It started about two months ago and although I know her as one tough cookie, it was beginning to really dig into her.

I advised it was best to not consume herself in trying to find out where it originated from because it would start to add unnecessary friction with everyone at the office. What's worse than being a subject of a rumour is being suspicious of all your colleagues.

So how then do you deal with office rumours?

Honestly, there is no way to shake it off. This is really an entity that has to wear itself out and drop off after it loses its novelty. The best you can do is play with it. As long as you and the party know what you are doing is not out of order, go about it nonchalantly. For those giving you suspicious looks, give them a wink to add spice to it all.

You'll be surprised that by ignoring it and perhaps adding the occasional fodder to keep the rumour alive, it can provide the chemotherapy effect to such a rumour tumour.

People love to listen in on rumours but they are also quick to lose their interest in them once the subject seems unbothered by it all.

For the last week, Marilyn has been winking and throwing suggestive smiles after emerging from her CEO's office and believe or not, many of her colleagues are beginning to talk to her normally once again.

Coincidence or solution, she is happier and promises to treat me at my favourite whiskey bar next weekend.

Well, it really comes with the territory - rumours that is. If you are attractive and rise rather quickly up the career ladder, there are always people lurking in the wings waiting to search for justification - as if they have nothing better to do. And yes, chances are their lives are just about as exciting as a snail crossing a lawn.

Invariably, there are rumours that are true too, like the time many years ago when I was rumoured to be sleeping with a senior staff member. What else could I do? He was staying a block away from me and with the salary I was drawing them, saving on transport was helpful. Besides, I like to think of myself as a pioneer advocate of the green revolution. After all car-pooling makes more efficient use of gas, doesn't it?

Missus Singapore out!

SEX POSITION FOR THE WEEK #5

Fellatio
I really enjoyed last week's position. In fact, I can never ever get enough of it provided a guy knows what he's doing. But I'm sure I will be insisting on that to continue indefinitely.

If last week's position was for us ladies, the men will certainly enjoy this week's one - fellatio - from the Mephosian phrase "fellate" - meaning inflate and 'tio' - meaning 'tongue it off'.

Just pulling your tits and nuts! Got you, didn't I?

Well, we know it affectionately as 'giving head', 'suck-off', 'blow jobs' or 'blow' for short but it's also known in some parts as a 'mouth wank' or 'whistle blow'.

Blow is a very interesting word really, used in everyday conversation without much thought.

Here are some of the more common usages:

Lyrics in a song: "The answer my friend is blowing in the wind."

Financial implications - "I blew this month's salary."

Weather description - "A storm is blowing in."

Threat or challenge - "I'll blow your brains out" which interestingly enough, can also imply a more pleasant ending to the deed.

Blows are not as easy as it sounds. There is a skill to it and it's made even more challenging by the fact that different dicks have different sensitivities, are structured differently and thus require a different type of oral stimulation. What works for John may not necessarily work for Jim, especially since Jim liked me to slap his dick around.

Incidentally, I think the specific position highlighted in the picture is not particularly comfy for the woman. A neck ache is waiting to happen. The best is to sit a guy down on a chair, or against the head board of the bed and pull his tool a little forward. Standing is also not a bad idea too but a woman also needs to be comfortable. I'm pretty flexible helped by the fact that I totally dig sucking a guy off.

A firm grip on the base is great as you gently massage his balls in your hands but no stroking (we want to master the art of blowing for now). At most, you can try using the tip of your nails to run over his nuts.

Start off with licking his shaft, without actually taking his head in your mouth just yet. Kiss and lick it everywhere except his head. Maybe an occasional kiss or brush over with your lips is fine but keep contact on his head to a minimum until later.

The reason why you need to have a firm grip is so that you can tell when he starts to throb. At that point, you might like to start licking his head with greater frequency, but still making sure you run down the whole length of his dick.

When you wrap your mouth over his tool, gentle release a warm blow from the back of your mouth, increase your grip over his head, and pull on it gently with your lips until it pops out.

I've noticed that it's very arousing for the man to give a few bursts of this popping effect, and then revert to your normal speed. The trick is to gradually build up the moment.

You have to take charge and let him know who is in charge. Having said that, I have to clarify that while this has worked with many of my men, it has not for all. Ultimately, to master the art, it really depends on you - how seriously you want to learn to be a good whistle blower.

I think that a super cock-sucker is really not someone who manages to give ggood head to one guy. She is one who is willing to learn and adapt to the different preferences from different guys. Being able to pick up on a man's signals is paramount.

From my conversations with guys, the biggest mistakes many women make is to have their teeth rub against the very sensitive skin of the dick head.

This guy I knew, Paul, had one helluva bid dick head - just about 2 1/2 inches across (I measured it!). Unfortunately, it was really disproportionate. His tool wasn't that long so it looked really odd. Of course with a shiny head like that beckoning, I did what any full-blooded bitch would do - I sucked it.

I got the thumbs up for not scarring his head but hell, I sure had a jaw ache after! He complained how gals would often scratch his dick head with their teeth but seriously Paul, with a head like that, its just asking for it!

Anyway ladies, do try to take the time to master the art over the next week and let me know how it turns out or if you have any queries. Remember, no hands, no jerking, just pure mouth work okay. And for you guys, (I can see you all licking your lips already) enjoy!

Missus Singapore out!

CIC: COUGARS-IN-CHAT

I met a girlfriend today over lunch and as usual, our indulgences in Vietnamese food and conversation meant that, she had to take an hour more than normal - 'the usual something came up' excuse. Not that she had to make one since she was the boss in her own PR firm!

Curiously, we already met on Saturday with some other girlfriends for drinks and had lots of time to chat. But I guess in our defence, we were probably only sober for about an hour of the five we spend out. Besides, it is always important for girlfriends to follow up after.

She was more excited than usual to meet up and for good reason. She mentioned that she was seeing this younger man these days. Her most recent object of interest.

Claire by the way is around my age, has two lovely tween daughters but dumped her philandering husband two years ago after catching him one time too many with yet another of his much younger colleagues.

But she has got over it. Boy has she got over it. This new man would be her fifth, if I got my numbers right.

Anyway, this new man, the same one who showed up to pick her up the other night of our outing, said that he had screwed me sometime back. I didn't really see him or was just too high to notice the other night but when she pulled out her iPhone and showed me a picture of them together, I realised he was in fact, one of my earlier conquests.

So I sat up, waiting for the interrogation from Claire. At the back of my mind, I was hoping this would not mean a change in the dynamics of our friendship.

"He told me you were an awesome fuck!" she blurted out.

While I'm certainly not living for compliments about my sexual apt, I was, as every human would be, pleased by the vote of confidence. However, sense soon filled my head thinking how stupid some men can be, usually the younger ones.

So the Cougars-In-Chat or CIC got underway. When us matured women get down to talking about the younger male conquests.

Tack my dear fellows. Tact!

I'd never recommend for a man to say to another woman how awesome any previous lover was. I mean when you know her better, and teasing and fooling around is the norm in your relationship, then that's fine. Otherwise, it's a recipe for a dish I like to call 'No More Sex For You'.

But Claire and her new beau only hit it off about two weeks ago!

Fortunately for me, Claire was bigger than that. Instead, she was curious for me to report on my experience with Bryan, who is a 29-year old banker, by the way.

Unless he is one to note down, I find it hard remembering a man's bed skills, let alone what he looks like. Okay, I'm a bitch - sue me!

So anyway, after some serious deep diving into my memory bank, I started to retrieve some visual recollections of Bryan - and it was not all good I'll tell you.

Let's focus first on the good parts, shall we. I'll try to be kind since he said I was an awesome fuck. See we MILFs do have a heart.

He was good-looking for sure, tall, toned, spoke well and drove a super sports car. Oh and he always wore impeccably polished shoes.

Okay, okay - what about his bed skills, you're asking?

He had nice arms and a tight butt (and I'm getting very close to the end). Oral sex skills were not too bad but nothing to shout about.

Now the bad.

He was a terrible kisser! At times I felt I was opening my mouth under a shower.
He had a small dick and tiny nuts. One could argue that 6 plus inches was about average but hell, with a 6ft 4in frame, all you have to offer was 6 bloody inches? I felt shortchanged really.

Of course I told Claire about it - something she expected from me since I never minced my words.

Her response: "Yeah, he is a little on the small side, isn't he?"

I smiled and nodded.

She added: "And he doesn't cum that much does he?"

At that point we were at dessert and she decided to order a banana split. As the waitress came around she asked politely, "Can I have an extra banana?"

She looked at me and we both laughed. Yet another fruitful CIC came to an end after she declared - "I'll just see how long it lasts and try to make the most of it."

Missus Singapore out!

ASK THE BOLDER WOMAN

I've received many questions stemming from this column and just to clarify things, these questions are not from readers of Missus Singapore. They come from a column I used to have in a local Men's Magazine.

Nonetheless, I'm certainly pleased with your queries which I will definitely have to address in a separate forum - perhaps another column. I've also managed to put together all your confessions finally and honestly, I have enough confessions for a book! Kisses!

In the mean time, here is this week's ASK THE BOLDER WOMAN.

Q: I have a fetish for her toes. How do I bring it up to my girlfriend without freaking her out?

MS: Unless you know each other very well, bringing up such a request during a conversation may send her on her way. Out of the bedroom, you can always compliment her toes. Joke that they look so good that you could just suck on them. If she freaks out, at least you can say that you were only kidding.
In bed, you might try kissing her from the inner thighs and gradually moving down. Invariably, her toes would be a natural stop for your tongue’s journey. Observe her reaction and you can take it from there.

If she squirms with obvious delight, you’re one step closer to satisfying your fetish. If she pulls away or starts laughing uncontrollably, find another fetish.

Add On: Interesting subject this one. I knew of a few guys who loved to suck on my toes but unfortunately all, except one - a guy from Australia, failed miserably. They always claim to know what to do but it's the usual ending - leaving me disappointed.

The worse was this one guy, a local chap - was a little on the plump side, tiny little member, and when it came down to sucking on my toes, I just flipped out. I don't even think he knows how to suck on an ice-lolly to begin with. Anyway, interestingly enough, he wants to get in touch again and has a girlfriend who is very insecure about him knowing me.

My take? A recipe for trouble. But it's no loss of mine, she has got him and she can keep him because I'd rather turn to my toys then entertain his lack of skill in all areas.

In such a scenario, saying someone sucks at toe-sucking may be a compliment but in his case, I mean it in the most negative of ways.

Missus Singapore out!

SECRET DILDOS

This is a cute cartoon. It was sent quite a while back by Gordon Lester who is from the UK but now works in Jakarta as a consultant.

Hmm...I'm always suspicious about people who call themselves consultants without any vocation qualifier. There are building consultants, educational consultants, and even sex consultants like yours truly (LOL!) but somehow consultant alone sound very iffy.

Anyway, the reason I dug this up from my photo stocks was because a girlfriend of mine was telling me how she masturbates regularly. Well, nothing out of the ordinary except for the small detail of her doing it while her fiance is around, sometimes even sleeping beside her!

Okay, two things bugged me about this.

#1 - She is doing it while there is clearly the real deal next to her. (I confirmed that she didn't have sex earlier with him and that he does perform reasonably well and neither was he tired from work.

#2 - She is already doing this now - and they are not even married? Can you imagine what it will be like for them - 15, 20 years down the road, with kids and mortgages to pay?

Being the straight-forward gal that I can sometimes be, I sounded her out on my observations. On both counts, she didn't exactly know how to answer me, which to me is an answer in itself. She admits loving sex though! Duh!

They have been cohabiting for four years and their sexual frequency - once a week! Imagine - no children and yet? Granted not everyone is tuned in to sex, I asked how their relationship was in other areas.

"So, so" she reports.

Unless they sort out the sexual aspects of their relationship, I'm willing to go out on a limb here to say that it is not going to last. But that is just me. Get fucking already will you!

Missus Singapore out!

SEX BITS

The most number of orgasms enjoyed by a woman in 1 hour was a shattering 134.

A 47-year old Scandanavian woman was recorded in April 2003, to have had these orgasms in front of three people - a reporter, a medical technologist and her husband. She had brought herself off by using a typical vibrator.

In one hour? I'd probably have three over the hour, but 134? I think I'd comatose. I know of women who are fortunate enough to enjoy multiple orgasms but no one comes close to this. This had me thinking if such reports are real to begin with.

If it is to be believed, she would have had about two orgasms ever minute or an orgasm ever 30secs. Come on! Honestly!

But let's give her the benefit of the doubt.

More importantly for us women, the big question is how 'typical' is her vibrator because it has got to be something else.

Missus Singapore out!

OUTDOOR SEX (POLL 17)

WHERE IS YOUR FAVOURITE SPOT FOR OUTDOOR SEX?

Total Respondents: 118

I'm admittedly not the kind who consciously searches for outdoor spots to have sex.

Most of the time it's more a spontaneous by-the-way kinda thing.

You know the drill - after a movie, a few drinks at the pub, get horny, head to a nearby park, find a bench, get down to it and head back to the pub for more drinks.

Well, okay maybe you don't know the drill but you get the picture. Getting a room under such circumstances is too much of a hassle - besides all your friends are still waiting for you at the pub.

Anyway, what surprised me most was that 4 of you actually had sex on the hood of a car. I only included that option because I had it once. Well twice actually if I count the time when the car was parked in the garage. Technically, I suppose that's still indoors. So okay then. I had it once.

It was at a hill park in Singapore and interestingly, there were several other couples in their cars making out. We were feeling so hot as his air-conditioner was broke I think. So we decided what the heck, it's not like we were departing from the hill's general game plan. Everyone was fucking anyway.

Unfortunately, the guy I was with was one of those quick cummers. No really!

He had a nice car, fat wallet, not too bad a dick but what a waste of good dick! Let's put it this way, if you think Quick Draw was quick, this guy could leave him all shot up before he even reached for his holster.

Lastly, thanks for all your votes and suggestions and comments. I love them all. Keep them coming and do look out for the next survey coming up.

Missus Singapore out!

SURPRISE SURPRISE!

I thought Singaporeans or Asians were the only ones squeamish about the sight of public breast-feeding mothers.

I remember sometime back when I was asked to help with the efforts here. Then, two American women came up to us to express their shock at how Asians need an awareness programme like this. They insisted how open Americans all over the US are to this.

I took their words for it.

Apparently, in 2006, there was a photo of a baby feeding from a bare breast which sparked enormous controversy. Women (yes you read it right!)were ironically shocked that a parenting magazine could have a photo of a breast on its cover! It was a New York-based publication.

Even the editor was stunned at how she saw it and never expected it coming from a 'society that claims to be so open but silently bitches about its openness'.

Well, need I say more.

Anyway, the reason I'm talking about this is because I saw a few children at the beach the other day, gathering around a mother breast-feeding her baby. They must have been between five to eight years old.

What made me smile was that they were all trying to play with the baby and make faces at it. They were not uncomfortable with the act at all. I know they were too young to know the significance, but still, it was nice to see that their parents did not rush off to grab or turn them away from it all. There is hope for the future.

But then the bummer.

Sitting adjacent to her, at a nearby bench, were two men, young men in their mid 20s I gather, ogling at her tits as if they were aliens and her tits the mother ship which they needed to establish close contact with as a matter of life and death.

From the beach sand, there was a couple who kept turning around and shaking their heads in disapproval. But get this - they turned around several times with the guy doing it more.

What's wrong with us? What is it about an exposed tit? Hell, what is it about nudity that makes us so squeamish. I guess as far apart and different as we claim to be, this is proof that we are all very much from the same mold.

Tits are beautiful and should be enjoyed, and when they provide sustenance to a new life, isn't that just wonderful?

Missus Singapore out!

SEX POSITION FOR THE WEEK #4

CUNNINGLINGUS
It's ladies week! Also known as muff diving, giving lip, lip service, tipping the velvet or the very eloquent, eating pussy, this is definitely many a woman's favourite.

Never really liked the name that much. Ideal that its a mouthful because it is but it sounds too corny for my liking. I'd rather call it something like 'Show Me What You Got' or 'Put Your Mouth Where The Money Is'.

I love it just the same and always have but being so easily aroused these days, it doesn't take long for me to really cum. Sadly, I am unable to enjoy the full benefits of a long-drawn out affair. Poor me.

In my younger days, I used to be able to hang on for quite a bit but nowadays, so much as the sensation of warm breadth and I'm off in no time. Maybe the men from those times sucked at it, which to come to think of it, they did big time. The women tend to be better simply because they are in a better position to know how and where to zero in on.

Also, because the orgasms I get from it tend to be enormous, I often save it for daytime sex when the house if empty and I'm less conscious of screaming my lungs off and prompting my concerned neighbours from calling the cops. So message for all night visitors - no licking after dusk, all licking after dawn.

Missus Singapore out!

MOUTH IN THE ASS

For me, one of the great things about blogging is that you really don't have to surf as much as before to find the things that entertain you. Over the years, I've received my fair share of giggles, newsy stories and enough porn to supply all the pervs in hell.

The cartoons, jokes and videos have sometimes left me rolling on the floor - something like this one sent in by Samantha Herman from UAE. Thanks Sam (a former lesbian) and good to know that you've found a balance in your life as a bisexual. Personally, I've always subscribed to having the best of both worlds.

Missus Singapore out!

ASK THE BOLDER WOMAN

Q: I have a long distance relationship with my girlfriend but we have not got down to phone or online sex yet. Is there a difference for a woman?

MS: Online-sex is never as good as phone-sex unless you have a webcam and speaker hooked up. If there is a need to type, then forget about it. As a rule of thumb, phone-sex is only good when your hands are freed up for self-satisfying endeavours.

On the phone, response is quick and moans are so much more erotic. To fire up your conversation quickly, tell her how horny you are for her. Talk about the things you’d like to do to her and her to you. Be adventurous and explicit and spare no details but keep the pace constantly slower than you would a normal conversation.

Missus Singapore out!

TELL IT AS IT IS

I had a real good laugh with this passage sent in by Lewis from Charlotte, Texas. Thank you. It made my Saturday.

MY DICK IS SO BIG...

...right now it's in the other room making us drinks.

...it has it's own dick, and even my dick's dick is bigger than yours.

...when I get a boner, it affects the tides.

...the head has only seen the balls in pictures.

...NASA has launched space probes to find the end.

...I could wear it as a tie, but I'm afraid of getting a hard on and choking myself.

...popcorn now comes in "small", "medium", "large", and "my dick"

...I finally figured out a good use for a woman with a big mouth.

...you're standing on it.

...I need a blood transfusion to get fully erect.

...I was standing in Nebraska, and got a blow job in Alabama.

MY DICK IS SO tiny...

...I can wear a thimble for headgear.

...I put it on a hook and the fish threw it back.

...it has never been caught in a zipper.

...that my wife is still a virgin.

...that I have to masturbate with two fingers.

...that I can use a band-aid for a jock.

...that I can't tell when I have a hard on.

...that erectile dysfunction would be a blessing.

...that I have no fear of snapping turtles while swimming nude.

...that when I take Viagra my toes swell.

...that inchworms make me jealous.

Missus Singapore out!

PLACE YOUR BETS!

In case you didn't know, we in Singapore just welcomed the era of casinos to our nation. The first of two, on a resort island just off the Singapore coast, started operations some weeks ago while the other, smack in the middle of the city district, is expected to open in the coming month or so.

Already, there were signs that the hookers had migrated from their traditional spots to the vicinity. Interestingly, they have even begun to dress up for it. A friend who runs a social escort agency also commented that he had been seeing bustling business - with many of his girls accompanying tourists to the casino.

I suck at gambling. No I mean I really suck at it. Here's why.

Some time ago, amongst some friends - guys and gals - we played a game of blackjack. We started out for the hell of it. No money was involved. Then one gal suggested we raise the ante - from nothing - to removing items of clothing. Thankfully, they were all sporting enough so the game progressed deep into the night with lots of laughter - aided heavily by free-flowing vodka.

After sometime, three of us, one guy, another girl and myself were all stark naked - with only a sofa cushion between the three of us helping to keep our dignities intact.

With no more items to lose, forfeits came into play... and by the time the game was up, I had sucked four of the five guys and french kissed two other gals. So you can just imagine how much I really sucked at card games. In my defence, I did it on purpose.

But with the opening of the casinos,I'm not too bothered by the hype because gambling really isn't my thing. Now you understand why.

However, what really got me excited was the announcement that Victoria Secrets would be opening a mega branch, the first in Asia, in the shopping area around the casino.

For a woman, that is like paradise coming to your doorstep. You know what this means don't you?

No more waiting for products to arrive by courier. No more wondering about the texture of all their products. And most importantly, no more fighting with the significant other about him hogging the catalogue!

Missus Singapore out!

HOW BORING CAN IT GET?

When I saw this cartoon, it reminded me of this guy Richard whom I knew like eons ago. Anyway, it was our first time having sex with each other so understandably there was the element of excitement and anticipation hovering.

Sadly, he was not the one to go down on a woman. So that didn't put him in my good books. Then, he was really puny - I mean really! That got me all disappointed. I'd probably have more fun with a pencil. You get the idea.

And then the bummer! I didn't even know he was in me at one point. The phone rang and it was my girlfriend on the other side. Can you believe that I actually wanted to continue talking to her? I mean a gossip over sex? It was weird.

He was grunting like a hog and she could hear it from the other side. Even asked if he was any good which I told her was obvious since I insisted on carrying on our conversation.

So when he was coming, I said the same exact thing as in the cartoon. I was hoping that at least after all the disappointment he would shower me with a big load!

Yet again, the fool gave one jerk and one drop followed! There was more sweat on his body! Possibly the worse fuck ever and to make matters worse still, he had an ego the size of Jupiter. Hell, I'm embarrassed to even think about it.

Missus Singapore out!

WHAT'S THE UPSKIRT DRAW?

Can someone please help me make sense of the draw of upskirt videos of unsuspecting women? In Singapore, more and more of such vid are showing up online these days. I honestly can't fathom the big attraction of invading someone's privacy in such a manner. Do guys really get a kick from this?

I mean checking out a woman is one thing. I'm sure women too liked to be checked out by men but to later find your upskirts photos or videos online is not a pleasant thing.

To me they are either losers or losers. Yes, the ones who tape them in supermarkets, pharmacies, going up escalators or in the subway are bad but with such a big demand for them, it does appear that there are many pervs out these who get a cheap thrill from viewing them. But then again, doesn't the paparazzi get a fit once they catch a celebrity's upskirt? They are to blame - they seem to direct society's thirst for such things.

The question is who is worse - the ones who make them or the ones who demand for them. What is happening to us as a society?

Missus Singapore out!

SEX POSITION FOR THE WEEK #3

The Cross
Here is a position that really works if the guy is decently endowed or if not, at least is curved to one side. Not much movement is necessary other than a slow thrust and if you hit the right spots, can really get you all sweaty and aroused. To be honest, it's not a position I normally would fancy but I guess I will try to see if I can make something of it.

I recall a guy some years ago from Australia who would only want to do it in this position. I'm not sure why but methinks it could offer him some reprieve from cumming too soon. He could stay like this for quite a while and it was not too bad but the moment he switched into any other position, he would cum. So I'm not sure if this is really one that can help a guy hold off any symptoms of premature ejaculation.

For a woman, it allows her to control the depth of each thrust by pulling her man into her. And if a guy has a great ass, this will be perfect!

Last week's position, the crawl (or doggy) was really hard to put aside and I made sure I made the most of it right up to last night. However, a note of caution.

One reader sent in a story about how a couple in Florence, Italy had to be rushed to hospital after the porcelain sink the woman was leaning against broke off its wall hinges and came smashing to the ground. In the process, both received deep cuts in their legs and thighs. In fact the man suffered serious arterial damage and was in critical condition for two days.

Ouch! Talk about a dangerous doggy!

Missus Singapore out!

HEADLINE NEWS!

MAN STABS GIRLFRIEND AFTER SHE TELLS HIM ANOTHER LOVER IS BETTER IN BED

I guess this is close to the extreme classification of an insecure man. Imagine ending up on death row just because his girlfriend says he can't fuck to save his life. It's sad that a life had to be lost because of that.

This story appeared recently in a local newspaper. The story shocked the nation but not in the right way. Forum posts consistently asked how such a sweet looking 18-year old could have 16 boyfriends!

So what? It's her life and she can choose what she wants to do. What ever happened to sympathy for the victim?

So she had 16 boyfriends and fucked all of them. He knew about it when he met her (she laid her cards on the table) so why did he even bother getting involved in the first place. Moreover, knowing she was not into any serious relationship, how numb can one be to expect anyone, let alone him, to be exclusive to her.

Whatever she is, whatever her lifestyle, she didn't deserve to die. We all have our choices. She made hers and he made his. Sometimes they work, but this time unfortunately not.

Such is why I cringe at anyone who displays jealousy in any amount. Kidding around it fine but jealousy just turns me the other way to flee from it.

An ex-boyfriend was like that. No balls and no dick of any value. He would verbally and sometimes verbally abuse me to impose himself on me. Being a young clueless idiot of a girl back then, I let him get his way on me until my hubby came along and put a stop to it once and for all.

So if this murdered gets the death penalty, I for one won't be feeling anything whatsoever. I am absolutely against domestic or relationship violence of any kind. I think these guys are mere cowards.

Missus Singapore out!

DON'T LEAVE YOUR TOYS LYING AROUND!

I had a shock the other night when my friend Trish (the one with a sex toy closet) told me she was on her way to the A&E Dept of a local hospital. She didn't have anyone to call and knowing that I would be up working around 2am, I was the first person she called. She didn't leave further details other than she had fallen and hit her head and was bleeding like a running tap from a head wound.

So my hubby and I rushed to find her all bandaged up in the head. It was rather nasty and she required 5 stitches. Her T-shirt was all bloodied and they had to shave off the hair around where the wound was to stitch her up.

She was a little shaken up but otherwise conscious and responsive. Thankfully, her head X-rays showed nothing serious and she was told she didn't need to be warded. After waiting for what seemed like a lifetime for her medication, we decided to take her back to our place since she didn't have anyone to keep an eye on her.

So while we sat down to talk about the incident, she told me what happened. I didn't know whether to laugh or hit her on the head where it hurt most.

Apparently, she had come home and was rushing to answer her ringing phone. So she didn't have time (or the sense) to actually switch on the lights. Still in her high-heels, she stepped on something and went flying legs up into the air, hitting her head against the edge of her coffee table in the process.

When she staggered to switch on the lights, besides the blood oozing down her face and on the floor, she discovered the object that caused it all - her 10-inch dildo!

My first question - What the fuck was her dildo doing on the floor? Questions of hygiene followed and I thought she had a closet for her toys!

According to her, she was napping on the sofa that afternoon and decided to get herself off before. She said she had a big cum. It left her stoned to the point that she woke up with little time to spare before her appointment.

Lessons to learn:
1. Never enter a dark room with heels on.

2. If your cums are big, never get off if you have something or somewhere to go a little later. Cum if you know you can sleep through thereafter.

3. Never, I mean never leave dildos on the floor unless you don't intend to use them ever again.

Missus Singapore out!

SEX BENEFITS (POLL 16)

The jury is out. 79% have a favourable view of sex which is heartening. However, the bigger question is how many of the respondents actually are able to get it on a regular basis.

I've always found it extremely enjoyable but it is also a good way to connect with your partner. Yes, it's definitely a stress reliever but I like to also think of it as a recreational activity. You get to see and do what you don't normally do, it can be a sweaty affair, and you can live out fantasies physically and mentally which I don't think anything else is able to achieve.

While its probably right to say that the initial stage of any relationship, sex is a binding element, I think once marriage comes about, the mistake many often make it having similar expectations. That opens yourself up for disappointment because like anything new, there is always excitement and enthusiasm for the novelty but once you get the hang on it, it does get boring. So its probably wise to re-look at the role sex plays in a marriage.

Think about it. When you start out on a new sport - say tennis, you want to keep up with your coaching sessions. Thereafter, you pester friends to head to the courts on a weekly basis. Soon, it's a monthly affair, and later its a by the way sort of thing. Sex is no different.

To reinvent it and revitalise the interest, you need to commonly explore new ways to enjoy it. It doesn't have to be a regular affair but occasionally spicy enough to keep you lusting for more. Variety and spontaneity is the way to go.

Once you open up to the fact that sex should be an ever-evolving factor in any relationship, the possibilities are endless. Mindsets - that is the first thing to overcome but only if you are serious about re-injecting some excitement into your relationship.

Missus Singapore out!

ASK THE BOLDER WOMAN

Here is another from my column in the Men's Magazine sometime back.

Q: Her bedroom shyness used to be cute and a turn-on but now it's getting a bit boring. How do I lure her out to be more expressive?

MS: I take it you mean she is coy about exposing her body fully. Many women, even those with knock-out bods do occasionally feel conscious about some self-conceived faults or inadequacies in their bodies. Unless you know her well enough, broaching the subject may backfire.

The trick is to give her confidence that she has a knock-out body (even if she doesn’t). During sex, tell her what you like about her body, how much of a turn on it is to feel her and see her in the buff, and it will gradually get her out from under the sheets. Bottom line: women love to receive compliments with or without clothes on.

Missus Singapore out!

DON'T BE A WUSS. SUCK IT COWBOY!

Nice cartoon from Helen, a US citizen who now stays in Singapore. Her husband had a great job opportunity here and uprooted the whole family to sunny Singapore.

Well this is definitely one way to obtain a permanent hard-on! I read some years back about a man who got stung by a scorpion in his privates. He got it treated and recovered but after, his wife reported that he had a renewed vigor for sex. He could never stop humping her at every opportune moment.

So ladies, if you want to boost your man's libido, you know what to do. Unfortunately, as far as I know, they don't sell scorpions in pet stores here.

Missus Singapore out!

NO INTERNET, MORE INTERCOURSE

The Internet was acting all funky in Singapore last night and if you were one of the unlucky ones to have experienced it, well I hope you've got it sorted out.

It's amazing how much our lives revolve around it. It's very disconcerting to know that our lives depend a lot on it. I've had lots of friend bitching all day today about it.

For me, it's not as bad. I do a lot of my work online and even need a connection for blogging but if it shuts down for some reason like it did last night, there is always sex.

Yup, sex is, for me, a better alternative to surfing. Thankfully, my hubby is on the same wavelength and though it is important (the Internet) for him as well, he would rather have a hot and sweaty romp in the sack with me.

Once we got started, it was an all action night. With the heatwave also upon us, we snapped open a couple of beers and just messed around. To be fairly honest, we haven't really had such a wild night in a long time. So it was a welcome reprieve for the both of us.

Don't get me wrong. We still have lots of sex but it was different when you don't have the subconscious need to check up on work emails or do some online research.

So this brings up one important question that was lingering on my mind for much of today. Is the Internet really a bane to sex? Singaporeans are notorious for staying up late into the night and do what it is they do online. Without it, there is really not much else to do other than read a good book and get a good lay.

If only we can have an Internet break once in a while. Imagine what it could do to our moods. Imaging what it could do to our terribly low birth rates. Our minds and bodies need to be freed from the clutches of technology once in a while so that we can keep in touch with our humanity and the things we humans need to do - one important thing being sex.

Missus Singapore out!

SEX POSITION FOR THE WEEK #2

Crawl
Technically it's known as the crawl but most of us know affectionately refer to it as the Doggy. I especially like this position provided the guy knows what he is doing. I'm not referring so much as to the penetration but more about knowing how his women is constructed.

No two women are alike and their vaginal passages could be tilted upwards or downwards in which case how a guy positions himself is important. In fact a urologist once told me that some women, though rare, have their passages tilted sideways!

Anyway, if the guys is not particularly long, then it won't be so much of an issue but if he is, then go slow initially and watch how a woman reacts to every gentle thrust. Once you know it, its easily and more comfortable to her if you increase your intensity of thrusts.

The other important thing is where you place your hands. Many men always push down on your butt. If its gentle, that's fine but most of the time they push it downwards and lose sense of just how hard they push. As a result, a woman's knees would tend to buckle or she would have to resist falling on her tummy - so the focus is not on feeling good but on preventing herself from falling.

I like it when a man places his hand gently at the edge of my pelvic bone and support my body when he thrusts into me. Or perhaps play with and hold on to my tits as he does his thing. If I'm comfortable and have my mind free, I'll reciprocate by pushing back into him as he thrusts. It's very much like a rhythmic effect - moving in unison.

Another variation of the crawl is to do it at the edge of the bed with the man standing. It's more intense as he has a grip with his feet instead of the soft bed. You could also try in on a chair for similar effect.

Enjoy the crawl this week!

Missus Singapore out!

PS: With regards to last week's position - Astride - or Woman on top, I just loved it and its always something I like to do. Perhaps I also get off watching the guy squirm with my every movement.

WHERE PORN AND ART MEET

Normally I don't put up in your face kinda photos but I'll make an exception this time. I received a wonderful series of sketches from a kind reader, Melpose34 (not sure who he or she is). I've picked this one which is kinda nice. If any of you know who the artist is, let me know. :-)

Anyway, we do have a lot of batik (Indonesian art) paintings of nude women and my hubby had a few in his home when he was young. He recalls how his dad would always rush around the house taking them down whenever his elder sister who was a catholic nun, would announce that she was around the corner and dropping in!

When you compare those pictures with this, I guess that was tame. But how things have changed? Nudity is still very much in these parts viewed with scorn but at least there is more of it getting around.

In the papers the other day, a woman complained about this man who lives across from her. She would always catch him come out of the bathroom stark naked. I'm just thinking that maybe she is invading the poor guy's privacy. What is she doing always knowing when he takes his bath and comes out. Apparently, she caught him over 10 times in two weeks!!!! If that does not constitute a Peeping Mary, I wonder what is.

Missus Singapore out!