A DRINK FOR A LAY

Is it just me or are there more teasers around? I was at this pub the other day with an old girlfriend I bumped into. It was around 7.30pm and it was happy hours - ideal for chatting because the music tends to be softer and it's less crowded and more importantly I could sneak more tequila sunrises at half price!

Anyway, as we were chatting, there was this group of three gorgeous girls, all dressed for a wild night. They were dolled up and for imagery sake, tits were let loose all over the place.

In between our chatting, they were busy coaxing (read: rubbing their tits all over) guys into buying them drinks. Of course the guys, being suckers for tits and not knowing any better; a nice rack from the effects of a push-up, were drawn into it, like bees to honey.

In an hour or so, when it was my turn to get the drinks, I brushed up next to one of the girls and her target. I overheard him asking her to go back with him - clearly he did not have Monopoly in mind. She was saying, "Buy me and my friends another round and I'll consider."

It is not like me to bud into other people's affairs (really!) but I just had to ask him how many drinks they had. (Asking people something when they are a little high always tends to elicit an answer no matter how strange the question may be. I once asked this guy if he wore boxers or briefs, and he had to slip of his pants to find out.) Anyway, 10 was the rough figure and he had paid for them all. I said ok, collected our drinks and walked back to our table.

In about five minutes, through the soft music in the background, you could hear that this guy was not too happy with the girl that he had bought her and her friends several drinks and was no closer to first base than he was before buying the first drink. Of course he was a little tipsy and growing louder by the minute. Total dufus if you ask me. Was I the cause of this burst up? Oops!

I mean many girls will use whatever means to get what they want knowing how some parts of their anatomy can be used as weapons to this effect. It doesn't sound too nice but hell, as long as there are willing suckers around, teasers will thrive and quench their thirsts for free.

This guy was asked to leave politely which he did and the girls returned to their table, as if nothing had happened.

For me, I have learnt to make it a point to buy my own drink. No matter what. It just seems that in a guy's mind, the moment he buys you a drink, he expects something in return, usually where you go on your knees and do the job or for some horizontal dance at his place. I have my dignity: really I do.

If I want to give a guy a blow or get laid, I will do it and no drinks are necessary. Crude I suppose but I hate feeling obliged to give back something, don't you? This way, whatever you do does not carry any excess baggage and you are free to do as you please and leave when you want to.

Come on, where has a guy ever bought a girl a drink without having explicit ideas on her? As long as guys are going to feel this way, then I suppose they will expect to get their own medicine back through these scheming teasers. As far as I know, if a woman wants to be laid, you don't have to buy her a drink. Offer your company and if it hits off, it hits off. Otherwise, move on, with your initial drink in hand. Both parties feel good. The only one not too happy will be the proprietors of pubs. Buying a drink is no passport to getting a lay guys.

Missus Singapore out!

A SAD DAY INDEED!

A sad day can mean many different things for many people. For me, one of them has to be when I have to put one of my favourite sex toys to rest. My old-fashioned dildo, you know the ones our mums and dads used to tell us they were massagers! It was about 18 years old but outlasted many of the new generation electronic dildos.

I must have spent a shitload of money on batteries but hell, it sure was worth it, for all those lonely nights and days when the hubby was outstation. I have met many guys of different nationalities, but this beats most of them flat and I know I shouldn't compare a hard object cold phallic-shaped object to a real-life penis but the truth is most guys' ability are overrated. How can anyone compare to a dildo?

Anyway, as I removed it from its familiar sitting for the last time, I can't help but look back on all those enormous orgasms it coloured my life with. It's even been around the world with me and now it's gone. What will I do?

It's to the sex toy shop tomorrow. No time for mopping around, I know Ed would like it that way. Gosh did I really name my dildo? Maybe I need to see a shrink!

Missus Singapore out!

SEVENTH HEAVEN

If this is what women golfers are playing for, sign me in. I wonder if it has a two or three cycle speed. It certainly looks durable.

I remember many years (read eons) ago, this guy I knew was an avid golfer. I wasn't any good at it but he managed to sneak me in to the course. While we were at it, at the seventh, after he had putted his ball into the hole, he walked to retrieve it and let out a 'WTF?'

I walked over and he pointed out to the other contents in the hole, a used condom with some guey stuff in it (heaven's what could it be?) It was disgusting but it had me thinking that this guy must have been so desperate (either he had no woman or he just could not get the ball in) that he decided to screw the hole. Now that is what I call a seventh heaven screw!

What is it about guys and golf? They spend so much time perfecting their techniques at putting the ball in the hole. If only more guys would spend more time practising putting their rods in the hole like this hole screwer. And he actually had a cap on for safety. How thoughtful - imagine how many balls go into that hole everyday!

Missus Singapore out!

ASK MISSUS SINGAPORE #16

I managed to sieve out the new ones though and here are two for now.

Q: How does a woman look sexy if she is underweight?

MS: The way I see it, beauty can come in many forms. It is all about being confident with what you are. If you feel confident as a big woman, it will show and trust me, many men dig that. However, if your extra pounds is the cause of your distress, spend the time losing it instead of sulking about it in front of the mirror. Being underweight is more of a problem. From the many men i asked, many compare it to fucking a skeleton during sex....ka-plunk - ka-plonk... Doggy is out of the question - cos either you get a sore tail bone or he gets a bruised hip bone....In sex, bone against bone loses out badly with flesh on flesh....

Q: My wife says I am obsessed with muff diving?

MS: Hmm...she says you are obsessed but is she complaning about it? I doubt so! So trust me, she is not asking you to stop diving.

Missus Singapore out!

ANATOMY LESSON

Here are some jokes sent in by some readers. Just thought of sharing them with you guys.

The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?"Jessica responds: "That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!"

So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye." "That's correct, Johnny. Very good!" And turning to Jessica, she says: "I've three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"
Calvin W, Texas

MS: Strangely enough, I sucked at biology. As I grew up, I realised my folly because I learnt to appreciate that sucking is really a part of biology. In any case, I certainly don't think the male sex organ grows by that much. Well, we can wish, can't we?

Missus Singapore out!

WOMEN ON A MISSION (Part 2)

Another woman called up her husband and left him on the line to listen to her masturbate. He was so turned on that he had an instant erection that for the remainder of the day. It was good for them because they went on a weekend getaway for the first time in seven years!

It was all heated sex - i was told. He had always wanted to do many things but always thought his wife was not up to it. Now how was he ever to know if he never once asked her? Second-guessing is not helpful and has never proven to be so in any context. Correct me if I am wrong.

Talk is the best foreplay. Lay out your fantasies, fetishes, desires and such. Weigh that against each others' and find common ground. You don't talk about financial responsibilities and trouble hits. Sex is the same.

Sex becomes a wondeful adventure when the unwritten restrictions are erased and the couple sit back and allow their imagination to run wild. It emits the -in-the-same-boat scenario and it bonds the couple. Yes, the passion may not be there like it was in the early days but you feel a distinct bond, more sophisticated and you connect in different ways.

The others shared similar exploits and thanked me for it. However, as much as I like to, I cannot claim that I did anything other than to point out what is already there, which so many try to suppress. This is not some Missus Singapore revelation. It's something most of us have the ability to do.

Sex is not taboo. Sex is not bad. It's a natural human function. Suppress it and frustration sets in and we lose another pinch of humanity. Life is already less human thanks to technology so let's fight to keep the human flag flying.

Missus Singapore out!

WOMEN ON A MISSION (Part 1)

My recent article on MILFs drew a pleasant response from several matured women. Firstly, I want to say that my blog and what I put in it are really my personal opinions and observations. In a conservative society like ours here in Singapore, I honestly did not expect these group of women to agree with me. Married women need not necessarily fall into the MILF category although wonder of wonders, those who wrote in actually harboured a deep-seated fantasy to unleash their suppressed sexuality.

Of course unleashing your sexuality does not mean you hit the streets and hump some unsuspecting (but I suspect) very accommodating chap. It means taking measures to feel good about oneself both physically and mentally. Sex has a big part (not the only part) to play in making a woman feel like a woman.

Some link emotions to it, which is usually the case when you are young and finding a mate, but as you get older or should I say, more mature, sex tends to become more of an activity to relive intimate moments (for some), for others it is a way to release stress, get in a work out and keep the heart healthy, muscles flexible and creative juices (amongst other fluids) flowing.

Let's put it this way, sexually suppressed people are never going to be as happy and contented as sexually active ones. I don't recall any studies done on this but just open your eyes and observe. One has a glow, one takes more trouble to look good, one works harder to pass the time at work faster to get home, and the chain goes on.

That said, sex in the wrong context can get one worked up. Sex behind your spouse's back can erect feelings of guilt and it can worry you to hell that the pussy will be out of the bag at some point. Why take the chance? Life need not be so complicated. Sex need not be so complicated if you don't always tag it to the emotional quarters of your mind. Sometimes, angry sex can be the best sex....really it can!

The guy pounds harder, the gal rides wilder and the sweat and juices are testament to a healthy workout for your hormones.

Coming back to the MILF's - they seem to want to reinvigorate their sex lives and add some spice to it. They are more willing to try out things that a 20-something is usually not daring enough to.

20-somethings wear sexy clothes, tease and tease and just about tease all they can but rarely take their tease further. One reason I guess, many men in the know, are drawn to the matured woman.

Some of these women are married, and its these ones ones who want to do something about their sex lives more. Way to go girls!

The bottom line is that most guys just get turned on when their women to come on to them. It is not just about humping them but indulging in new things. Try a sexy text message. One woman did and it got her husband all worked up for the whole day. It is so simple really. Just take the first small step for mankind and he will pay you in kind, most willingly.

(to be continued)

Missus Singapore out!

SEX UP SINGAPORE

It's National Day today. Singapore is 42 years old and moving along very well, thank you very much. It's a nice little place, I have to admit. When I was younger, I admit that I had always looked enviously towards other countries. After all, it's really a small place, limited places for entertainment and fun was not something anyone would readily associate with our island.

However, now older, and having travelled around quite a bit, I must say the idea of this being home has is no longer viewed with anything other than pride. Ok, so Singaporeans still need to loosen up, especially when it comes to sex, but hell, we have come a long way since.

It's time to take some time off from the regular blogging to say Sex up Singapore. You're 42 and matured. Let your sexuality flow. Time to loosen up and slip off the knickers.

Missus Singapore out!

THE RIGHT ETIQUETTE

Here's another article I wrote for a men's portal. It's kinda tame, considering what I put up in my blog. Nonetheless, just wanted to share it with you guys.

I was at an Italian restaurant the other day and this handsome couple caught my attention. They appeared educated and were well-dressed. That however soon counted for nothing.

What got to me was how his mobile phone kept interrupting their conversation. And they were hardly of importance. I know because he made sure 'us' patrons sitting three tables away were aware of his weekend.

Then, when the food was served, he did not think twice about continuing his phone conversation whilst tucking into his pasta. At one point, the woman gestured to leave the table and he waved her on without so much as a glance.

Curious, I took the opportunity to file behind her to the restroom and at the sink, I tactfully struck a conversation with her. Her partner was a 'new' boyfriend of two months. I was dumbfounded.

She returned to her table. Her boyfriend was finally off the phone but was oblivious to her returning presence. Instead, he was delivering another big mouthful of pasta in one hair-raising slurp.

I was not sure if it was just me over-reacting but I felt that there was just something terribly wrong with this picture. Personally, I would never go on a second date, let alone stay two months with a guy missing the most basic of social graces.

Most women may not totally subscribe to feminist ideologies. Neither do they expect the chivalry of old to emerge from today's man. Still, would it kill to pull out a chair for us when we join or leave the table, open a door or let us up the escalator or into the lift first?

At the table, we don't really care if you can't tell the soup spoon from the dessert spoon but at least spare us the ignominy of having to experience what food goes through once it's in your mouths. And just so you know, casual phone conversations at a meal are a clear sign to us you would rather be some place else.

While good breeding plays a part, it really boils down to common social courtesy. Trust me, looks and money will only get you thus far, but good manners and some chivalry will have a woman wanting to be with you for the right reasons.

Here are the top five peeves many women have about a guy's manners in public.

#5 - Talking on the mobile phone for more than a minute during a date (it's insulting!)

#4 - Talking with your mouth full (it's plain disgusting)

#3 - Picking at facial orifices or making bodily noises (what else is there to say?)

#2 - Opening doors for us (car remotes unlock but do not open doors!)

#1 - Failure to pull out the chair (even at the kopi tiam, it makes us feel special!)

About the Writer
Deborah is a former Mrs Singapore 2002 and has written about women's issues, education, travel, health and sex, as well as interpersonal relationships. In her free time away from writing and modelling, she loves to keep fit and stay in shape.

Missus Singapore out!

SAFE JUNGLE SEX

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was, and he said, "Oh,Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "Why the hell did you do that?"

"Tarzan check for bees!"

Thanks for this Jessica from Penang, Malaysia

Missus Singapore out!

GENDER ROCKS

Where do you guys get these photos? Do they really exist? I suppose if you have a mind bent towards anything sexual, you could make out anything you want to. Now isn't it more fun to have a deviant mind? If not life would be so boring. People just need to chill out a little more and see the funny things around them.

Sex was never meant to be vulgar, it's just meant to be and its really people who make it into such a taboo topic. Loosen up and chill.

Sex is wonderful to laugh at and even better when you are having it.
Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore out!