SWINGING SINGAPORE

Recently, by coincidence, quite a number of people have been talking to me and asking about swinging. Not the dance version but the wife-swapping or partner-swapping version.

In Singapore, it's really in its infancy and as such you will get a lot of young couples who seem to claim that they know it all but in truth, know nothing. Young professionals who want to experience it often join some of the swingers clubs around here. For one thing, don't expect them to be professionally run like say in France, Italy, Australia, the US and the UK. It's all a frenzy and with no organisation or any proper activities. They all just want to get a cheap lay.

Some young couples have approached me to join them but hey, they were still wet behind their ears when I was into it. Sadly, they are a rather educated lot, studying overseas mostly and coming back to claim how open they have become.

Caucasian expatriates who get involved also see this as a springboard to getting to screw more local gals, who seem to go gaga over them. To each his or her own.

But then there are those guys who pick up a hooker from somewhere, passing her off as his girlfriend just so as to get in on these parties. Pretty good deal - pay $150 for a hooker, get to screw four other gals!

More often than not, it ends up as an orgy, all too impersonal and all very messy. Hardly does anyone leave with a good feeling. I mean they don't feel bad or anything but they have not added anything or enhanced their lives in any way.

For the swingers who really do it right in the traditional sense of swinging, it's a very intimate way for couples who want to enhance their already strong relationship. Get it - 'already strong' - meaning, your realtionship has to be on a solid footing to be able to swing.

Yes, swinging requires an open mind, not from travelling around the globe but by understanding what it encompasses and knowing how it can affect your relationship and emotions.

Couples have threesomes and foursomes and that is technically not swinging. I guess different people have their different interpretations of it. Still, if you really want to swing or explore it, do it with people you can trust, people you feel comfortable with and not strangers who claim to know it all. Stay away from the swinger's groups here besides they attract too much attention for their own good. In the other countries, even though it is accepted and quite popular, no one goes out to talk or openly publicise it.

My advice - start your own intimate group if you like and keep it small. A threesome with a friend or someone you met, and move on gradually. So there you have it, my two cents worth on swinging here.

Missus Singapore out!

FOOT TALES

Toes can really tell a wonderful story.

Personally, I would be very disappointed if it were to last for 20 minutes and not get to cum. In fact, as long as I get to cum, a quickie for 5 minutes or otherwise for 10 minutes would be great. Women need to be more selfish in bed and guys need to be more selfless. LOL

Thanks for this cute illustration Brenda (you didn't mention where you are from).

Missus Singapore out!

ONLINE FAKE PALS

I know this particular post does not concern sex but I just got to get it off my chest - its about gals making friends with gals online. Yes, many men I have met online are really weird sickos but women online too are, well not sickos, but really get to you too.

They say they will call you, email you and keep in touch but never do. And they say they want to make friends it seems. Such a waste of time which is why in truth, I can sympatise with why men are so disillusioned with women online. And mind you these are the ones who claim they are so lonely, have no friends or social life and the likes - hogwash. These are the better of the lot though.

There is one gal, Sasha she calls herself. We have chatted online, and I told her if she was interested, to call me. She even visited my blog, which I directed her to because she wanted to see what I looked like. But never returned the favour saying she doesn't do so with people she doesn't know. Such as arse bitch if you ask me. Anyway, I have met such idiotic imbeciles before so nothing new for me. However, I am just wondering about the sincerity of some bitches (gals I mean) who say they are serious about making friends but never take the right steps to realise that. I understand there are many weirdos online but hey, there are more decent people out there. If i offer my hand, don't fuck with me and offer shit.

So the bottom line is this, people complain so much about how bad the Internet is but really, such a reputation is fed by these kinds of people, making it seem worst than it actually is. Sadly, these are gals - my own species.... To these effect, I have met more sincere guys than gals online.

So women to ignore - women who are all talk - if you want to meet them, check out Friendster, Who Lives Near You and this site called Fridae. Oh and Sasha is from Adult Friend Finder. And so begins my blacklist of people ..... gals who talk but never had anything, not even their own fingers down you know where.

Will the real women, show themselves?

Missus Singapore out!

PORN-ADDICTED HUSBAND

I knew this woman Nel. We used to talk regularly and meet for coffee (she used to live around my estate until she moved out three years back). Anyway, she found me through my blog and we spoke. It was great getting up to date with each other's lives. She did however tell me that her husband of four years was a porn addict. He is a great guy and all but spends too much time on the Net surfing porn sites. Nel, is open minded and not particularly angry with him except that he is now replacing time for chores with his hobby. (One suggestion - see the picture)

Only when he gets to riled up does he rush to her and asks for sex.

I told her that there is really nothing much she can do to stop porn on the Net. Hell, she even told me about her favourite sites of big dicks but that is another story for another day.

I told her that instead of trying to compete, she should turn his attention away from the porn by giving her hubby a 'live show' of her own. By that I don't mean doing a pole dance or striptease in front of him. I told her to let him catch her surfing porn in her bare intimates and pretending to get herself off (of course she went one step further and really got herself off!)

Anyway, he hubby caught her and he was so turned on. Ego of course had the better of him and he always had to show he was the better deal that what she could get online. In doing so, he was actually addressing his own neglect of his wife. So now, around 9pm, when he knows Nel would log on, he would diligently log off and head to the bedroom to surf with his wife but is careful to see that she gets off with the 'right man'.

Three months onwards - apparently problem is solved.

Women are so quick to complain about their partners addiction to porn. Instead, they should be taking it by the scruff of the neck and dictating how things should unfold. Trust me, the real thing for a man is always miles better. So if you spot him at it, take action. Dress up for the battle - spruce yourself up, doll your self up, do whatever it takes to get him off his habit. You can be the subject of his porn addiction. Isn't that so much better?

In any case, you get your satisfaction too. One reason why the bad gals always have more fun - simply because they go get what they want - which invariably is a nice big cum!

Missus Singapore out!

SLUTTING AROUND

Yeah, that first kinky episode kind of sparked off something in me that told my young impressionable mind of mine that there was money to be made. Not too sure if it was still touching on prostitution because it never involved sex. However, I really do think now that it is one in the same. I was using my body to realise someone's fantasy anyway. They got off, I got paid, so what's the difference. Ok so there was no screwing but hell I enjoyed myself in the most perverse of ways I suppose.

I was introduced to the alternate dimension of modeling, the private modeling scene. Models, at least career models tend to moonlight to supplement their income and I knew why. Pay sucked and usually never came in on time. Agencies always held back as long as they could.

So the more experienced girls would introduce us to private shows where we normally had to model in swimwear or lingerie and those who could move would end up being private dancers, which I was also to end up doing for quite a bit. The pay was good, around $300 for two hours and never involved any touching or fucking, which I was fine with. Of course I realised that the $200 I first received for my very first private show was way under the going rate.

So I would try to squeeze in around 6 private shows a month if I could. Some were at private dinners, while others were for bachelor (or lesbian) parties. There was a big market for it as I began to find out and suddenly, Singapore never seemed such a boring place to work in anymore.

Missus Singapore out!

HANDS OFF MY PROPS!

I run a small little service on a part-time basis. I am called in to add to the entertainment or hen parties, bachelor stag parties, anniversaries and birthdays. No, no no, I don't pole dance or anything less I end up an entangled mess of limbs knotted around the pole. I know some really sexy moves but they don't involve a pole. I leave that to the experts.

Anyway, I bring in sex-toys, lingerie, sex aids, and sex tips with another partner. It gets hilarious when supposedly conservative Singaporean women start fondling with the toys and playing with them.

I noticed that the young women are all dressed to kill, sexy and made up but are all just talk, most of them. The older women in their 30s and 40s - Holy cow! I need to literally take things out of their pants because they decide they want to sample the products which they are not supposed to!!

Sometimes we get a erotic dancer to teach them some moves for their partners, or a male or female stripper, or two model-instructors to show how to manage the most unbelievable positions. It's all clean fun and the hen parties are wilder than the stag parties I tell ya!

Anyway, last night I had one, (by agreement, I am not allowed to snap any pictures). It was for this group of seven late-30s to early 40s women. One was celebrating her second engagement and her best friend called me in. They wanted a male stripper too. I got Ed, who is a regular I work with. Nice body, pecs, bulge and all.

It was going to plan until one of the women wanted to know how to masturbate. Probably after the alcohol had kicked in. I had explained the various ways using fingers, toys and even the pressure from the shower head but she was still not sure. Soon three others wanted to know too. Now all except one who was a lawyer, were businesswomen. Educated, self-confident matured women and yet they did not know how to masturbate, or claim they didn't know.

I told them and showed them how through gestures, but I wasn't about to do it myself in front of an audience. Anyway it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that touching yourself at the right places can get you off. Under different circumstances maybe I would have done it myself, LOL, but I had to be professional. So I told them if they purchased something, I could show them. I was not about to let them 'play' with my demonstration props!

So they each got a toy, most going for this adorable but discreet massager - a duckie shaped vibrator. I tell you, it was hilarious. Four remained to have group masturbation while two others gladly took instructions before disappearing into separate rooms.

I told them, instructions were minimal. All they really had to do was slip it where it mattered and hit the on switch. Pure pleasure follows. One of he women decided to have a contest, to see who got off first. I couldn't believe I was hearing this! This was simply outrageous!

Anyway, one of them, Vivien, was off to her second orgasm in less than five minutes. To be discreet, they all were doing so under sheets which the hostess had provided. Groovy music, aromatherapy mist and dim lighting made it ideal. Like a physiotherapist, I had to 'attend' to those who were not getting it right! Can you picture this?

Anyway, they were needless to say, happy with the product, and the last of them finally emerged (by 25 minutes) from one of the rooms, spotting a naughty gleam on her face, declaring what a 'nasty cute' duck that was. She stroked his head and spoke to it telling it she will never let it out of her sight. It brought back memories of how a child builds an attachment with a plush toy!

Anyway, these ladies are really a hilarious bunch and until their next planned party, a pyjama-type party which I have been invited to, I look forward to sussing out more interesting gadgets for them.

Missus Singapore out!

ASK MISSUS SINGAPORE #14

Back to the column. Here are two to go.

Q1. I am in my early 20s and can't seem to stand for long? What should I do?

MS: Well, I know what you should not do - get a job as a sentry. If you are talking about holding your erection, well you need help. As far as I know, for a guy at that age, keeping an erection down is the problem because he tends to get a hard-on for just about anything so I think you ought to get help.

Q2. My wife says I am a selfish lover. We have had many fights about it. What does a woman want?

MS: Assuming you don't spend enough time on her or go down on her, I think you better do so. Imagine what you would feel like if she left you hard and horny and turns the other way after she got her fill. All a woman wants is for a man to spend as much time on her than he does watching sports on TV. If you can master that, you'll be her master...if not, she will find other ways which may not always include you.

Missus Singapore out!

STUD BIKE

This is one bike the gals won't take too kindly too, unless she is the one riding it. There just ain't no space for a pillion. I wonder if this guy gets any at all or if he can't get enough of it.

I have this girlfriend who is always telling me that they should come up with a bike with a dildo attached to it for women. Well if they do, I may just learn how to ride a bike. Vrrrrvoom!

Missus Singapore out!

FEMALE WEIRDOS

I have certainly met my fair share of residents from weirdsville, mostly men. But sometime back I met this woman or young woman who was off the weird scale altogether.

For all of us who have always been saying watch out for the weird guys out there, I never thought I'd be warning you off this particular woman who really needs to see a shrink like yesterday.

Anyway, she claims to be a lesbian who was out to make friends. This was from a gay-lesbian-bisexual site I was checking out. Trying to find subjects for an interview for a woman's magazine I was writing for, I told her my intentions and she agreed to meet.

I spoke to her on the phone, she sounded nice. Young and shy thing I thought. Hmm...such innocence....I thought wrong.

I met Yuan and we exchanged small talk. Got to know each other better. She was tall for a local Chinese girl but really skinny and no tits. (Yes we women look at other women's tits too - well I do.) Anyway, midway she began running her skinny fingers down my arm. I didn't think anything of that as lots of guys and gals do that, sometimes consciously, sometimes not.

Then she went deeper into her sexual preferences but to me they seemed like deviances which I heard of but never imagined I would encounter personally.

She went on to talk about life as a young lesbian. Before I go into specifics, I must add that I found her odd because she mentioned not knowing any man, hating them in fact. Now I have lots of lesbian friends and they have lots of male friends and companions. Some hate men in general but not to the extent of cutting off communicating with them altogether. This oddball never spoke to any man, except during her schooling days to male school teachers, where she had no choice.

All she does is nod, make hand signals and walk away from men, so she tells me.

Moving on, she then went into the kind of sex she liked and the kind of porn she enjoyed, if you could call it that. She loves, apparently, to watch real torture scenes and dying scenes where she gets turned on! Oh crap! She simply loves to masturbate while watching! Oh double crap!

As to real sex scenes... its all about things people want to keep in the confines of the little ladies room. Oh triple crap.

I was beginning to feel my insides wanting to come out. I wish I had puked and done so all over her sorry face to show her my disgust. But knowing this sick bitch, for all you know that might turn her on. Gross!

Anyway, I had to leave and get out of that place thinking to myself that this woman needs some serious help.

This just shows you that weird deviant women exist too. I knew that but could never quite say that with a conviction until now. She will probably end up killing some guy some day.

She really makes this little geek seem like a darling. Yuan, get some help you sick twisted thing.

Missus Singapore out!

MS ADVISORY

Well, if you've seen scorpions mating, you'll know it could be quite a ruthless act. But nothing compared to what you may succumb to if you forget to pack and slip on the rubber in those lusty moments. Yeah, it could really be a hassle sometimes but when you look at this French anti-AIDS advertisement, it may just be worth it.

A friend of mine, married for 10 years, recently contracted herpes from her husband! She was angry and shocked. A lesson that even if you're married or found the right partner, you're still at risk. My solution, give him the best sex he'll ever have, be a bitch (men love that - lol) and most importantly, let yourself go and release your sexual urges...that way you'll also enjoy showing him how good you are in bed whilst maybe, just maybe, ensuring he doesn't stray and pick up some nasty STI.

Missus Singapore out!

FOR THE RECORD

I received quite a few emails (some nasty - which I couldn't care less for) which were asking if I was really a beauty queen as stated in some of my blog profiles. My answer: does it really matter? But, yes I was a 2002 winner of the Mrs Singapore competition and won 3rd runner-up for the International Mrs United Nations.

Anyway, Missus Singapore is about the Missuses i.e. the married ones amongst us. It's a personal opinion and quest (if you like) to put right the misconception that getting married means getting a passport for a dull and uneventful life!

Get the right partner and take time doing it but trust me, when you do find him or her, marriage can be a terrific and satisfying experience - sexually as well.

Missus Singapore out!

TAKE THE TROUBLE

Just in case some of you might like to know what it takes to please a member of the opposite sex, this illustration sent in by Marissa Litucia from Buffalo, NY may simplify things. Thanks Marissa.

Missus Singapore out!

MS ADVISORY

Ever since my article on Use Rubber, I have been receiving lots of emails. What I noticed is that while many have condemned the guy mentioned, they admit that condoms are not their cup of tea.

Seriously people, if you really want to enjoy that cup of tea in your old age, think carefully about the possible consequences. All i can say is in my health poster!

PS: I was just wondering though, are condoms bio-degradable?

Missus Singapore out!

WRONG TURN

Admittedly, I am a member of several adult-type sites which has in fact loaded me with a cartload of information and experiences which I aim to share as we go along. The first order of the night for me now is to share some senseless postings on these sites. They are profiles and bear in mind that these sites are touted to be sites to meet like-minded people (i.e. those as horny as you and want a romp in the sack).

Here is one:

"Hello! I'm a great communicator who wants someone to talk to... and more. Hey there! I'm a regular girl, a little on the quiet side, but I thaw fairly quick once I get to know you. I'm your typical free spirit, single and unfettered and roaming the Earth at will. When I'm out driving I feel completely free in my car. Experience-wise, I've done a few things, but I want to do a lot more. I prefer to wait until I'm at ease before I jump into something. For me a perfect date is a bottle of wine and talking 'til dawn and falling in love, hopefully with someone from here. I get along best with people who have a positive attitude. I'm just wondering what's out there that I haven't tried yet. I look forward to putting a smile on your face. I'm not changing my life, because things are great the way they are. Feel free to drop me a line and let's see what develops."

You might ask, what is wrong with this? Well ok, this is from a 33 year old woman who sounds like she wants to find the love of her life here on this site.
Now speaking as a woman, an intelligent one at that, an adult site for sex is hardly a place to meet the love of your life. It's like heading to McDonald's for a fine dining experience. It is not gonna happen. But then the bummer at the end.

"I am not here for sex, no sex. I don't have sex with guys. I am only here to meet people and expand my social circle."

This just oozes stupidity. Ok, we respect your choices and you are entitled to your own perogatives but to say this at a website for sex is dipping into plain dumb.

Missus Singapore out!

MILF SLUMBER PARTY

I have been to some wild pyjama parties in my time. After all its something not uncommon with us matured convent gals. But while we experimented quite a bit with booze and smoked (yeah silly I know), and maybe fooled around with each other, I had no idea such parties would be so much wilder and more fun as a matured woman.

I suppose its the company of friends you have that can make it a real fun occasion.

I thought I was wild but was quickly put in my place by friend L. She is married for nine years and has three adorable kids. She organised it with five other friends and had it over at a hotel in town, where we got a good discount, thanks to E who works there. :-)

The one thing which has changed most perhaps is finding the time we can all schedule in a sleepover.

Anyway, smoking - mild - we all did it even though not all of us are smokers. Booze - goes without saying. We got a male stripper - alot younger than all of us but we had him for dinner - literally! We got the porn vids out too, courtesy of our LAWYER friend who somehow manages to get the hottest movies on her travels - not the wham bang thank you mam type but ones with actual story-lines!!

The best part was truth and dare. Started out normally but this time around, we all had to bring and share a home made video! This was awesome, watching my friends in ways I had never envisaged I would. You learn quite a bit from watching actually.

This time was the wildest videos and it was awesome. Made mine seem like an intestitial from the Disney Channel! I would have never imagine that my mild-manner friend G would be up to such adventures or L would even consider outdoor sex! And these all from married women and responsible mothers and employees!!!! I really need to play catch up!

Anyway, this really had us all waiting for the next pyjama party when we have to show and watch each others videos with a theme which we have yet to decide. Gosh what married babes get up to is beyond me....what the young hot chicks claim to do now all seems just talk. This is the real deal. Any ideas what the theme for our video show and watch should be?
Missus Singapore out!

COCK CLIMBING

Poor lady who just won't let go of the find of the century. Only problem is, oral sex leaves a stony aftertaste and a sore and lacerated tongue. But considering it is a once-in-a-life-time opportunity, I really might seriously consider it!

Thanks Norm, NSW, Australia.

Missus Singapore out!