HEAVEN ON EARTH

Sorry to have suddenly up and left but I just got back from an assignment in Cambodia and it was great. The work had me focused quite a bit but I did have the chance to get a friend I made take me around and explore the seedy side of Phnom Penh...and really it makes Patpong in Bangkok seem like Disneyland!!

We had these three gals, full-busted (unusual for Asians) do a soap massage in our hotel room....Of course there was only space for three of us at once in the tub so we took turns to have a body massage with some funky-smelling oil. But what the heck, we were to wash it off in the shower. But it was strangely relaxing. I mean these girls (around 22-24 I'd say) were pros. Now I understand why guys keep coming back for these massages.

I mean they never left out a spot. It was great, revitalizing and the next time, I think I'd bring my hubby to get spoiled by them...but wait a minute, he was the one who provided the contact to begin with so I gather he must have had them too!! Rats, he beat me to it!

Missus Singapore out!

THE ULTIMATE CHAIN LETTER

I've had my fair share of chain letters which I don't pay any attention to but this one really takes the cake. This one reads, "YOU WILL EXPERIENCE GREAT SEX within four days of receiving this letter, provided you send it on. Since the copy must tour the world, you must make ten copies and send them to others. This is no joke. Send no money. Send copies to people who need to GET LAID within 96 hours. "

Here's what happened to some people.

After he passed this letter on, a Montana Spinach Control Officer got his penis stuck in a cow-milking machine and had the longest series of orgasms of his life.

John Elliot tried to pick up a prostitute, but, because he broke the chain, was picked up by the police instead.

An unemployed man received the letter and forgot that it had to leave his hands within 96 hours. His wife then went bowling with his best friend and never returned.

Alan Fairchild received the letter and, not believing, threw the letter away. Nine days later he spilled hot coffee in his crotch.

In 1987 the letter received by a young woman in Texas was faded and barely readable, so she did not realize that this paragraph applied to her. She promised herself she would retype the letter and send it on, but she put it aside to do later. She was plagued with problems including herpes and other venereal diseases she contracted in her futile attempts to find Mr. Right in a singles bar. The letter did not leave her hands in 96 hours. She finally typed the letter and found a man with a 10-inch penis.

I am gonna get myself screwed tonight just so as to prove these letters don't mean shit. Hope I get knocked unconscious by a 10-inch dick! Wish me luck.

Missus Singapore out!

ASK MISSUS SINGAPORE #12

It has been quite a while and I have to admit being inundated by questions had left me a little overwhelmed at first. Anyway, got my thoughts together and here are some of the questions.

Q. My girlfriend is so against having the lights on when we have sex (uncensored version mentioned fuck). How can I get her to have the lights on?

MS: The first things I need to ask is what you look like? Are you better looking in the dark? Do you have a mole on your forehead bigger than your nose? If not, my next question - why not? If she is comfortable this way, let it be and gradually experiment - bring in a night light. Alternatively, try to jump her in the day!

Many girls are really self-conscious of how they look. Trust me, even the sexiest and prettiest amongst us are that way. Look at me, I was a no lights gal. Now I need stage lights, spot lights and the works. Mirrors help too! Just don't scare her stiff by installing a spot light.

Q. Hey Deb, it's me Jen from UK. I wrote in before. I was just curious. I have this butch lesbian pursuing me. I love gals too and wouldn't mind sleeping with one but the non-feminine types just make my hair stand. How do I get rid of her!

MS: I remember you Jen! How is uni going? Well, this is one I have pondered for the longest time. I love gals too but like you, the butch sort is a turn off. A lesbian friend of mine once told me that she would not know what to do with a butch. I mean they go through the trouble to look like a man, behave like one when we don't particularly want a man for company. We want another woman. If we want someone dressed like a man, I'd rather just get a man with a tool to go with.

This, coming from a bona-fide lesbian.

Well, I have to agree to some extent. They are neither ugly or pretty. Pretend to be strong but are whims really (I know because I smacked one and she fell like a bag of potatoes. Why hang out with a butch when they can't protect you.

Anyway, if it were me, I'd go for the feminine ones. Nothing like two women, real women's bodies entwined together. Woo..hoo. I digress.

My advice, get a guy friend and tell this butch off if you don't think you can handle her. Or you could be harsh but honest and say that you want a pussy from a woman and if you need a man, you want one with a dick to begin with.

Missus Singapore out!

THE TABLES HAVE TURNED

Well, I'm not sure if you people in the real world are aware but here in Singapore, it was announced in October 2006, that the government will be looking at revising the laws on Oral and Anal sex. As if our government, efficient as they are, seem to know what it's all about to begin with.

Laws are to be relaxed (vital for anal sex) for consenting heterosexual adults. Like we all haven't been doing it for the longest time!

But you could also hear the cheers from men across the island on the night it was announced on the late night news. It was like one of those big soccer matches being played live and the home team scored a goal. Silly, silly men. Now are they really not aware that the same laws should apply the other way around. Ladies - grab your strap-ons!

I am not so sure they would be cheering that much if they take a peek at the kind of sex toys now at a woman's disposal. How the tables have turned.... and revenge is so sweet!

Missus Singapore Out!

SEA EFFECTS

Here is one from the 'Women of Seamen' collection

I did once meet a guy who would spew cum out like it was some frigging leaking tap. He didn't have a particularly big dick but he had unusually large balls and he came like there was no tomorrow. Still, I remember reading somewhere that the size of a man's nuts had nothing to do with his load.

Anyway, I remember giving him a hand job in his van and before he came, let out a loud moan. He was squirting all over the place, on my hair, dress, hands, face, every fucking where.

Of course we had to head off somewhere to clean up as my boyfriend would have freaked if he spotted me covered with cum! Thank goodness I wasn't giving him a blow or I would have drown.

Possible news headline : "Woman drowned in freak semen accident'

Certainly, would like to meet a man with such talent again.

Missus Singapore out!