SEXMAIL CALL

Thanks so much for sharing all your hilarious stories about your ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-husbands and ex-wives.....I invite more of you to share and I will be putting them up soon.

For now, here are some.

Genna from Australia writes" Your piece on small peckers, really got me thinking about my old boyfriend too. He was all tough on the outside and kinda cool I admit. I was in awe of him until of course we decided to mess around one day and I found out he was really too fucking small for my hand! Forget about fucking."

"For any guy that small, I'd rather just get a few and wrap his fingers with it to give me a good fingering. I think that would be more fun than actually slipping it on his dick and putting it in. I'd probably not feel much," April from Hong Kong.

Missus Singapore out!

SINGAPORE'S WOES

For those of you not in the know about the predicament Singapore is currently in well here's a brief. At present our birth rate is far below what is required to replace our citizens and if we continue at this rate, we are destined to really suffer in decades to come. I suppose it is happening to many ageing populations around the world for a variety of reasons.

Although I can hardly claim to be an anthropologist, sociologist or the likes, it seems our highly stressful society has done us in. For decades we have been chasing that proverbial golden egg, to pull ourselves out of the poverty trap. So much so, family life has played second fiddle. Families got smaller, families broke up, juvenile delinquency rose - essentially, the family unit suffered. Ultimately, sexual relations between couples which had once flourished (seen from the larger families) is now in a ditch somewhere.

So now our government has introduced (some years back) incentives which some wise idiot figured will work but any fool on the street was certain it would fail when it was first introduced. While there is certainly a lot to be proud of being Singaporean, when it comes to human issues, they are too bureaucratic (READ: asstight) to see the right way to go about it.

The answer - SEX SEX SEX and focus on getting people laid. Give sex holidays, bonuses for having sex. Screw six times a week and you get a pay rise! I mean stop being so idiotic when it comes to sex magazines, sex shops and porn! NOT ALL PORN IS BAD. JUST LIKE NOT ALL DRUGS ARE BAD.

For me, the sex lives of married women is my interest - they should climb out of this rut and not wait for anyone to tell them how to live their lives anymore. Dress up like a slut, whips and all (even if you are like a lawyer and teacher friend of mine) and fuck the whole frigging night if you have to. Stop worrying about being tired the next day, or deadlines or what is proper or not. As long as you do it after office hours who is to care. Don't talk to me about deadlines because I have some that will make you shit in your pants! In between, I snatch a quickie, after a snack if my significant other is around, its off with the clothes and banging on the table.

Sex has to be spontaneous, it has to be exciting, it has to be adventurous to want you to have it more often. Of course it needs to begin with communication between the couple. Talk for god's sake, not just about the kids, bills, work or boring shit, but about fantasies, lusts, watch a porn movie, dress up and role-play, sneak to the beach, park the car and get it on in the car park (without getting caught). That's the thrill of it.

From the Durex Survey 2005, Singaporeans rank second from the bottom to those who have sex the least number of times. Japan is bottom. (You believe them horny Japs are last?)

Stop talking about it, stop wishing it, just get laid!

Missus Singapore out!

BRA BLOOPER

I went shopping for a bra yesterday and decided to spoil myself with a nice comfy one - you tend to have to pay for comfort these days. It was a gorgeous light blue one with a frontal strap which you could miss because its so well hidden. Anyway, I did some other shopping since I was in town and had some time to spare which is rare.

Horror of horrors. When I got back and took it out to show it off to my significant other, I realised that I had mistakenly taken the wrong bra! It was a different colour and had cups you could fit my butt in!

GOSH, what a set of hangers this woman must have. Anyway, I went back today and approached the same salesgirl who served me. She refused to take it back at first because, being intimates, they don't do exchanges. So I pulled it out and put it against my bosom and asked her curtly, Look, do you really think I'd buy a bra which I could use as a raincoat? Her look was worth a million dollars. Mouth gaping open at my directness.

After the manager came into the picture, all was sorted out and they even offered me a discount card....

My only question was who actually had my bra? She would have brought it in, otherwise, she might be having a hard time breathing ... Anyone read of a woman collapsing from hardness of breadth today?

Missus Singapore out!

CRAZY WEEK

It's been a crazy week. My computer crashed at a time when I had horrendous deadlines to meet. I only wish some editors I work for would have a background in writing so that they know better. Being a freelancer, its hard to turn down work or they will tend to look else where and there goes your income....

Besides, just in case you didn't know, we in Singapore have a really long weekend with two ethnic festivals to celebrate. The first was on Saturday. It was Deepavali or the Festival of Lights which is a colourful celebration for most Indians here. The second is Hari Raya Puasa, which culminates after a month of fasting (Ramadan) by the Muslims here. So lots of colour in the street and lots of food to eat...

In case you were wondering, no I don't celebrate either - it's Christmas for me.

Will get back to the usual routine soon. Oh also, to let you know, in between the hectic weekend, there has still been lots of fucking.....now I have to stay true to my roots don't I?

Now that is a festival I'd love to celebrate. Been to the Mardi Gras-type parade and exposed my boobs quite a bit but the novelty dies out....what would be great would be a free-fucking festival for people like me.....Whoopee....fuck me! Fuck Me! No wait, you fuck me....what the hell, you all fuck me....Whoopee!

Missus Singapore Out!

ASK MISSUS SINGAPORE #6

Here are two weird ones sent it. Gosh not sure where you guys are from but as i said, no question goes un-answered so here goes.

Q1. How many times do you need to jack to get off?

MS: By this I assume you are referring to masturbation? Well, let me ask Jack first. No seriously, my hubby has a friend who is named Jack. He mentioned that he recently broke up with his girlfriend and has resorted to doing-it-himself. But if you want my take on it, here goes.

Several factors come to mind.
Firstly, how do you define a 'jack'. Is it a one-way stroke, or a to and fro stroke. Hey, it makes a difference, about a 50% disparity I'd say.

Secondly, what you are thinking of or looking at whilst doing it.

Thirdly, when was the last time you got yourself off.

Q2. Sex is not everything. There are other things to enjoy in life.

MS: (More like a comment or piece of advice but nonetheless....)
I fully agree with you. This is just one blog focusing on sex. You should check my other sites at morningsex.com, afternoonsex.com, nightsex.com and the award-winning sexisnoteverythingbuttheonlything.com.

So you see, I am not all about sex.

Missus Singapore out!

OLD SCHOOLMATE

A friend of mine from school called me out of the blue the other day saying that she read my blog. She said she was shocked about some of the things I was up to. We never really got along that well in school so I didn't really bother much about what she had to say (not that anyone else would bother me). She went on about how un-righteous it was. Fuck how the hell did she ever get my number.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, she implied that her lifestyle was something I could follow. Met her 'sweetheart', married him and both of them had been the only ones they had ever screwed. I almost puked because little did she know that while she was seeing him, this little puny dickhead of hers was screwing around. In fact I remember blowing him off a few times and one time he screwed me at a party where she passed out. I also knew that he had sex with another friend of ours. Haha. I had the last laugh of course. Bitches always do.

Missus Singapore out!

SMALL PECKER CAPS

My first boyfriend would have benefited from these if they were sold back when we were going. Trying to look cool in his crappy motorbike. My god, I didn't know better when we hooked up. I suppose my inexperience was to blame. No wonder I went exploring and only when I gave his best friend a hand job did I realise how he might have made it into the Guinness World Record Book for smallest pecker!

It got considerably better as I went along and I would not settle for anything smaller than an 8 incher! Nasty me, I went hounding for dicks more than a relationship at one point....

Anyway, if the old bugger is reading, give me your address and I'll have a carton sent to ya. :-P

Missus Singapore out!

200 AND PUSHING ON!

It's been a wild week, in the blogging sense that is. The site has received over 10,000 visitors and this will be my 200th post! The comments have been encouraging thus far and the queries for the DareDeb column overwhelming!

I can't promise that I'd have the stamina to continue indefinitely, but let's just see. I'll take it as it comes. Blogging is a challenge especially when if like me, a writer, has to spew out words at a relentless pace on a daily basis.

Sometimes the last thing you want to do at the end of the day is cough out more words....which is why my blog leans on lighthearted stuff although the issues are fairly important. Nonetheless, its for me, a stress outlet and I am enjoying it.

Here's a pic to help you put a face to Missus Singapore and say thank you!

More to cum so stay with me you hear.

Missus Singapore out!

FIRST CONDOM EXPERIENCE

I admit that growing up in the eighties, I was as promiscious as the next girl - raging hormones and all and in full flight to explore my sexuality. I also admit that silly me did not even bother about condoms then. How reckless can one get? Sheesh...

But really, how many of us had heard about AIDS then?

Anyway, I did have the opportunity to have a guy use one. I gather he was a virgin at it, not at fucking but at using one. So here we were, hot and horny. Then he pulls out this french cap, as it was more commonly referred to in those days. I pretended it was commonplace with me. I mean I knew what it was and where it went but heavens I never put it on for a guy before.

So he got took it out of the pack, and flipped it over his throbbing dick head. It was hard and throbbing...remember that.

Five minutes later, he was still trying to get it firmly over his tool with no luck. I took over, (like i knew what i was doing) managed to slip it on but somehow, it still didn't look right. Smart ass me, I decided it was ok to proceed further.

By then, the hot and heavy couple (us) was more focused on the technique of getting it in rather than allowing spontaneity to spice up the occasion. Also, by then, by the time he inside, he was no longer hard and throbbing. He needed more stimulation. I agreed. He pulled it out and I was agrieved! The condom was gone!

What the @#$k? Needless to say, it got all very comical. He apologetic and standing over me and I lying on the bed, legs opened and probing myself for the lost condom. Glad that was over with.

Now I can gladly say I know how to put it on for a guy. Blow it up and before it deflates, quickly grip it over the dick! See, we all get smarter with age.

Missus Singapore out!

MAKE A CLEAN BREAK

I wonder really who is worst? A person who has an affair with another married person or a married person who has an affair with another single person. The reason I'm asking is this neighbour of mine is having an affair with a married man. She is divorced with an 8-year-old son. She left her husband after she caught him with another woman.

I told her she needs to sort things out in her head but of course she did not take too kindly to it. Her response was just because I have a husband, I wouldn't understand. Now how is that relevant. Sometimes a spade no matter which way you look at it is always gonna be a spade.

The way I see it, unless you have exhausted all avenues in trying to save your marriage of address the problems - then ..... what am I saying? An affair is never going to end on a good note. Make a clean break and you heart will be lighter.

Missus Singapore out!

MY FIRST KISS

I was chatting with one of my best buds Tricia the other day. We were talking about our first kiss. Hard as it was, I eventually recalled mine as being with my schoolmate's boyfriend. Well, she is still a friend of mine so I shall not mention names. But in any case, I don't think she will mind now because she did confide in me sometime back what a cheating SOB he was then. Like I didn't already know! Hah!

Anyway, it wasn't that i could do anything about it because he caught me unaware. We were at a friend's party and we were talking at one corner when he suddenly jumped me and planted a wet one on my lips. I was honestly too shock to react so I just stood there like a silly prude and allowed him to explore my mouth with his tongue. It was yucky at first but at the same time exciting. I am not sure if that makes any sense but that was how I felt.

It was hilarious when I look back. I did not know what to think of it but having watched several porn movies, I thought that the proper response would be to respond in kind. So after a few seconds of getting used to his probing tongue, I did what was expected, I grabbed his crotch. Of course he already had a hard-on, so getting a grip was easy.

What an inexperienced me at that time did not know then was that there was a very thin line between pleasure and pain which was dependent on how hard you grabbed on it. I simply grabbed and pulled.

For the record, he grimaced in pain. I thought that was normal.

I wondered why he never wanted wanted to kiss me again.

Missus Singapore out!

LIPSTICK LESBIANS SPEAK

Phew, apparently there are lots of LLs going around these days. From my previous piece about them, a host of email came flooding in. It seems, they managed to get their tongues out of each other throats to speak. Some were telling me to mind my own business, others were telling me its a free country and others still were saying how spot on I was. Well, my article was based on my own observations and if its a free country, I take it that I am also free to state that according to what I see. You got opinions, go blog.

The most unlikely group of gals supporting me, were unexpected...lesbians themselves. They say that lesbians are lesbians because of their sexual preferences for women and kissing is just one form of their expression of affection. According to them, LLs make a mockery of it.

One girl from Malaysia writes, "My girlfriend and I hate it when these gals fool around. It's as if they are poking fun at us. We have contemplated getting these girls together, somewhere quiet and raping them. Showing them what happens or what should happen when two girls begin kissing...and what it leads to."

Another, not sure from where writes, "Lipstick Lesbians are such a popular culture these days and I don't really mind it. I hate it when a straight girlfriend suddenly, under the influence wants to kiss me because she thinks I will."

So I need to get into this further. Any woman wanna share the experience with me and be my guinea pig? Pucker up I say! Of course there is another debate, who makes a better kisser?

Missus Singapore out!

WORST PICK-UP LINE

Here's one i got the other day from some idiotic dick or an idiodick.

You look like my ex-girlfriend!!

Yeah right, and you look like the corn on my uncle Tom's toe.

How is anyone suppose to continue from there?

I guess what would be worse would be 'You look like my girlfriend'

Missus Singapore out!

HIGH 5 ME!

It's been five months since Missus Singapore was launched and I must say I am pleasantly surprised by how long I have lasted. A friend of mine told me that if I continued to post regularly after two months, that would be an achievement. Well Susan, its been five! Whoopee!

What I certainly did not expect was the responses and comments, especially those questions that have been coming in for my Dare Debbie Column. Believe it or not, I have 192 in my folder as I type! Of course many are duplicate questions but I keep them all, just so you know.

Also, for me, I think the ultimate compliment is when some of you guys write in requesting me to cover some specific topics! Thanks.

And those pictures, jokes and stuff....keep them coming. I love to be tickled.

Here's hoping I'll still be here five months from now! Now to get all that chocolate mousse over my body. Anybody wanna lick it off?

Missus Singapore out!

DEAL WITH LIPSTICK LESBIANS

Some girls call it the new scene. Mostly seen at clubs around here and its fast becoming widespread.

While I have nothing again lesbians and bisexuals (some of my buds are and I have myself had more than my share of bisexual experiences) I can't seem to understand what's the deal with these group of lipstick lesbians, as they label themselves.

A lesbian friend of mine says they are making a mockery of the intimate relationship between two women - plain and simple.

Well, i don't know about that but hullo, you kiss another woman for the fun of it? Just to attract attention? Down a little booze and boost your bravado and bang, kiss a woman. I needed to know what's the draw really.

At this club the other night I found my answer, or so I thought. Two girls, one Irish and another Asian were going at it. I discreetly approached them, sat down beside them waited for their tongues to stop probing each others' oral cavities.

They were rather shocked by my sudden presence. I introduced myself and asked them the only way I know how, straight out if they were lipstick lesbians.

No surprise there with their answer.

"Could you explain it?" Told them I was also interested in getting into the scene. Sheesh, like I never kissed another woman before.

So this Irish gal starts off by saying how much fun it is. The Asian gal nodded.

But why?

Well apparently, its more like a dare.

Were they lesbians? Nope. Were they bisexuals at least. Nope! So what the fricking hell were they?

"We are just messing around. You see we know that this is unlikely to lead to sex. So we have nothing to be afraid of," said the Asian girl, Rita.

Perhaps she's got a point.

"So it's just kissing then? No fondling?" I asked.

"Yup", Sher, (that's what I think it sounded like) the Irish girl replied.

"Aren't you attracting attention?"

Rita jumped in. "Of course. We get all the guys horny but they know we are out-of bounds. Haha."

"So you gals don't do this when you both are alone somewhere?"

"Nope!" they chorused.

"So you are saying that if I were to stick out a boob and hold it in your face, you won't suck on it," I said impatiently.

"No Way." Came the Asian gal. Sher did not say a word, perhaps wondering if she might actually do it.

So what is the deal then. Should you really use the word lesbian? Why not lipstick gals? Or Kissing Gals. Or how about just plain-and-stupid non-lesbian girls doing stuff to imitate a lesbian relationship for nothing.

For me, if I am gonna kiss another woman in public, might as well go the whole nine yards? What's the kick of kissing another woman close to drunkness?

When I was in the UK a year back. I saw the same thing in a club but kissing was not all these girls were doing. Probing more like it and tongues were not the only tools. Go figure. Now that was hot! If you wanna be hot, give a hot show, do it right for heaven sakes.

Missus Singapore out!

MONEY & SEX

I read about this recent survey which released results which many of us already knew, something which I have been stressing for so long on my blog. The study indicated the two most important factors for friction and eventual divorce or collapse of a relationship - money and sex.

I understand how the former has led to many marital disputes and have friends who have even been separated from some serious arguments on money. Now the part about sex is harder but I feel is more important to establish.

If people use sex as an ice-breaker and forge better understanding and communication, money problems would be easier to handle. The study also indicated that those with strained or non-existent sexual relations suffered worst when it came to money issues.

Yet another argument to keep the sex going!

Missus Singapore out!