LEATHER AND METAL

I never used to be the leather-type SM chick but I must admit that since I 'matured' (and I'm not old mind ya), the thought of leather and lace and cold metal against my body just sends me to another world altogether.

Am intending to explore a little further. Hooked up with this woman who claims to be in the know so I will let you know once I find out myself.

Missus Singapore out!

JULI JULI DON'T BE SILLY

Gosh there is this hanker of a woman who for some reason wants so much to go down on me. While I am not turned off by such a prospect of having another woman exploring pastures that I own, this woman is a turn off. Not by looks because I am not that superficial but by her mannerisms and lies to go along with.

I linked up with her from this website and she says she is a straight woman. So we spoke as friends, and then she says she is into women....which is fine by me but when she heard that I am married, she began this shit about not wanting another man...not that he even offered....(hubby tends to be superficial...haha). She was now making the rules which I duly put her in her place. I was willing to leave it until she kept hankering me to join her in a hotel....which...I am not dumb enough to agree to.....dumb ass Juli....

When you have been around the block for a while, you can kind of sense these fakes or tricksters about two hundred miles away...

Missus Singapore out!

DISPOSABLE LINGERIE

Why do they make disposable undies and not disposable lingerie? Correct me if I am wrong but they don't have it do they?

Anyway, the reason I brought this up was I remembered an incident in my younger days. It was during the courting days with my husband. He had been on assignment in Pakistan for almost 10 days and I decided that when he returned, I would surprise him by donning a lacy number I just bought... So it left little to the imagination but it did qualify as lingerie if I held my arms over the right areas (i.e. breasts and crotch areas).

So when he got home, naturally, he was all over me and literally bit off my new lingerie. I was taken aback, having spent a good 50 bucks on it. Don't know what came over me but I reached for a hairbrush and knocked him straight on the head. Of course he thought I was displaying a kinky side of me and just got wilder - that animal!

It took me several hours to look for the perfect number but approximately five minutes for him to bite through it and absolutely ruining it. So why hasn't anyone come up with a disposable lingerie? Let me know if you come across them and i will use it for when he returns from those long trps... if not, i guess I will continue to employ my strategy of just waiting in bed in the buff. No need to work up any momentum on days like that....

Missus Singapore out!

WORLD PEACE? OH PLEASE!

If there is one thing that makes the hair on my back stand is the proclamations by beauty pageant contestants on the things they want to do to make the world a better place. Realistically, its all hogwash.

If you win it, yes the pageant directs you to where you can make a presence or even what you can say. I am in still in touch with a past winner of the Miss Universe and she admits it is all bullshit and PR for the pageant organisers.

Well, i knew that which was why when I took part in the Mrs Singapore and Mrs United Nations competitions, I decided I wanted to proclaim something that I was already doing and knew I could expand on, which was to encourage more people to enjoy and strengthen the sexual part of their marital relationship, knowing full well that the relationship between the parents is critical for the survival of the family unit. You should have heard the audience buzz and sit up.....it was worth a million bucks really. It meant alot when you sense the audience really believes this woman for a change....

Good sex requires good communication and happy and satisfied parents stands the family in better stead to withstand the temptations of affairs which inevitably breaks up the family. Children are happy, they grow up standing a better chance of being well-adjusted and secure individuals, go on to forge meaningful relationships with others, make more love and reject terrorism (well ok, so they may not advocate conflict perhaps).....see my way offers the world a chance for peace too.

Missus Singapore out!

CUNNING BEHIND CUNNILINGUS

Okay just to be fair and since one reader kindly requested for it, here is another definition from the Missus Singapore Dictionary of Sexual Terminology, now available at Amazon.

CUNt Needs INtense LIckiNG, UnderStand!


Missus Singapore out!

SAY HELLO TO FELLATIO

Ok now who the hell wrote this. Two things about this stand out. One, the language does not make sense so I figure this person does not know what he or she is talking about. Read on and see if you get it. Secondly, this was on a men's health website!!! And from what I can tell, its a heterosexual site. But then again what do I know, with my degree from the Oral Institute and stuff.

"Fellatio is oral sex performed on a man. One thing remains true in all oral sex encounters: good oral sex starts with good communication. So when doing the act, find out simultaneously how if likes what you are doing so you can increase of decrease the intensity accordingly. Finding out what he likes will go a long way to performing satisfying oral sex."


Did you get it? How the hell do you communicate when engaging in the act of sucking dick to begin with. Now are we talking hand signals? Thumbs up and stuff? Sheesh, such takes the nastiness away from the act.

Ever wondered where the word came from....here's my two cents worth. Nah, its not Latin.

FELLA's Thang In Oral cavity --- (now aren't I just a smarty pants?)

Missus Singapore out!

OH SANDY!

I was pleasantly surprised to receive an email from a friend I had not met in a long time. The last was at Madam Wongs and pity it was too noisy then. But we did get to rub up against each other as we danced to the music.

She is one hot lady I tell ya, sexy, delicious and back on my list of things to eat... She is your typical SPG. An Indian by race but really she blows lots of hot air. Still, she is fun to hang out with, occasionally.

Missus Singapore out!

A PURR-FECT SELF AD

Here is one ad that came up at an adult-oriented chat site.

"This is Mark from Indiana and I am not too bad looking. Athletic and muscular, I also have a strong tongue and am a good pussy licker. Your pussy will surely not complain. Mail me."

I guess it is just my wickedness that got me reacting to this one. My pussy would surely appreciate another strong tongue licking him cos the hairballs sometimes just get him puking all over the place. I don't think he is too particular about shape and frame of body. As long as you can lick him, i am sure it would give him time off to focus on cornering that pesky lizard behind the cabinet.

One question, is it an Indiana thing for cat owners to do the licking for their cats....?

Missus Singapore out!

BLOW JOBS

Okay here's the thing. Although I have been doing it for the longest time, illegal as it may be here in Singapore, I would never propose that I am an expert at it...hardly.

The reason for this disclaimer is because a friend was asking me how to give a good blow job or as it is more formally known as the act of fellatio.

She says her husband used to enjoy it but not anymore. So here is my take.

To begin with, a good 'blower' has to be flexible as hell because what works for one guy may not for another. He could be highly sensitive and not like it too hard or perhaps not be as sensitive and love it hard.

Some like the shafting method, some like the sucking form but honestly, I am not sure I have come across anyone who likes to literally have his dick blown on. I could be wrong though.

So my advice to my friend was to try out new techniques and when she hits the jackpot, I told her she would definitely know it!!! There is so much control over a man when the act of fellatio is being carried out and in most cases, he would groan in pleasure, call you something nasty and pull your head to him, otherwise he would unconsciously push your head away. Watch the signs and take the cue from there.

Anyway, I got this photo from this site called Fetish Palooza. Believe it or not there is this fetish of girls blowing up balloons as big as they can, sit on it and feel it explode against their bodies. I have heard of many fetishes but that only goes to show how much we really know.

Missus Singapore (blown) out!

A NATURAL EXPERIENCE

There is really not much to boast about in Singapore in terms of breathtaking scenery but if you really want to, there is quite a bit of nature to experience.

Granted its not the kind you expect in North America or Europe, or even in neighbouring Malaysia, I realised this when the hubby took the whole family on an excursion to a nature reserves.

Bukit Timah, Sungei Buloh and even some secret passage in Pierce Reservoir Reserve (he once had sex with his ex-gf here in the daytime) - you would be fooled to think that you are really in concrete Singapore.

Simply amazing. Brings out the animal instincts. I am looking forward to the next time he brings me, just him and me, a mat, some wine and get laid amidst lush greenery. Now, that is what I call a natural experience.

Missus Singapore out!

ASK MISSUS SINGAPORE # 3

Here are some more questions. Had to edit them down to size.

Q1. Do you dress up for sex?

MS: Actually I strip down. I take it you mean if I slip into something sexy and make myself up. Well, I do on occasion, especially when its to surprise my man. It's great seeing the look on his face when you step into his study, leather and heels, made-up like a hooker and let the teasing commence. Wish I could dance though! On most occasions, it's spontaneous so there is no time to do it. Anyway, it would kill the novelty if you dress up all the time.

Q2. Who gives you the right to dispense advice? (I take it this one is rather peeved)

MS: Well, there is this traditional concept known as freedom of speech. That same concept allows you to choose to read or not to read what I write here. Anyway, as I said, my answers are my views. And no, I don't have any degree in sexuality in case you were wondering.

Missus Singapore out!

I'M A MILF!

I was pretty amused and honoured to be called a MILF by a friend of mine today. He said he and his buddies refer to me as one. I smiled, not sure what it meant but they seemed to give me the look of approval so I left them feeling it was indeed a compliment.

Of course I didn't have a clue what it was so I got home and asked my hubby. He smiled and said that it either referred to a Filipino terrorist group or a married woman and mother who is good screw-material. I took it to mean the latter so I was definitely pleased.

Mother's I Like to F#@K! You learn something new everyday!

Hell, at my age, we can't be choosers now, can we? Well, a consolation is that I'm still young at heart.

Every woman should have a youthful regime - fruits and veggies, face washes, tea-bags over the eyes - my stay-youthful regime includes lots of uninhibited sex. Hey, it works for me. Even if it fails to erase the wrinkles, at least I'll grow old with a big frigging smile on my face!

Missus Singapore out!

SCREW TO THE BEAT

Sometimes, depending on the company, I may just slip in a soft instrumental (very rare though) CD for mood.

However, my all time favourite songs to screw to is Queen's Get Down Make Love and Another One Bites the Dust. They have a nasty thrust-friendly beat and evokes thoughts of hard, rough and sweaty pounding and riding. This music rocks my bed!

Missus Singapore out!

THANK YOU FOR THE MUSIC

Hi guys, thanks for the suggestions of songs to listen to during sex. I received an pretty good collection and will have to sort them out. Just a thought - maybe you like to post them as comments here. Flooding my email is great but perhaps its a chance for readers to share their ideas.

PS: By the way, for the one who suggested the theme from SOLID GOLD.....what were you thinking of? Maybe you associate that theme with all the bouncing TaTas. But thanks all the same.


Missus Singapore out!

STAY WET ALL THE TIME

I read about this sex pill - take it and your body and mind feels ready for sex, your juices start flowing and your sex hormones start kicking. Although it does not say anything about when the effect wears out. Have any of your guys heard of it. It's not Viagra or any of the conventional pills, just so you know!

Missus Singapore out!

FUCK THE BEE!

This guy and gal were in the fields fucking. Out of the blue, a bee appeared, buzzing about. Without warning, it dived between the gal’s legs and into her pussy. She began to scream uncontrollably and the guy immediately took her to the nearest clinic. He explained the situation to the doctor who thought for a moment.

He said, "This is a tricky situation but I may just have a solution if you both are comfortable with it." Both the guy and gal were insistent he got on with it. But the doctor decided to explain what he was going to do.

Looking at the gal, he explained, "I intend to rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your vagina. Then when I feel the bee approaching the tip of my penis I will withdraw it and attracting the bee out in the process."

The gal, now desperate just waved him to quickly get on with it. Her boyfriend, equally concerned, nodded as well.

So the doctor did as he explained and after a few strokes into the gal, he said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper."

The doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the he began banging the gal hard. She began to quiver with excitement, moaned and groaned aloud.

Meanwhile, the doctor appeared to be focusing on the job at hand and appeared he was not getting any pleasure from his job. However, a few moments later, he grabbed at the gal’s tits and started making loud noises of his own.

The gal’s boyfriend suddenly became very annoyed and realised what was happening. He shouted, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

The doctor, still trying hard to concentrate, replied, "Change of plans. I’ve decided I’m gonna drown the bastard!"

Missus Singapore out!

MARRIED AND UNSEXED

This woman I work with, well she is one of the editor's I submit work to, suddenly decided to speak to me about her sex life. Not that I cared, nor minded, but nothing like hearing the inside juice on the sex life of people you work with, duh!

Anyway, she is married for 9 years, two kids, 7 and 5 years old.

Her problem is that ever since her second child came around, she has not had sex!

My first words, and I never like to mince them, were, 'you are fucking missing out. It's tantamount to a crime'.

My next question, and I already knew the answer, was, 'so how's the relationship holding out'

She was kinda taken aback. Not unusual. People don't realise that while sex is not the end all of a marital relationship, it does play a big part, especially when both have functioning organs and abilities. I don't care what anyone else says cos the more you fuck, the more you make love (if you prefer), the more open you are to expressing yourself to each other. Intimacy I feel just binds people in ways we are yet to understand. Less sex = less communication. (Hey if you make up the difference communicating in other ways that's fine but if not, you're asking for trouble in the proverbial marriage game.)

Sex is sometimes easier than holding a conversation especially when you are talking. Of course many may argue that they can do both, fuck and talk dirty..... I stand corrected.

Anyway, my advice, which one might have to pay 200 bucks for a sex doc to dispense was simple. GO GET LAID!

She did and they are suddenly talking about taking a weekend trip to nearby Malaysia. See, I told you its simple. Don't stop fucking less you risk your relationship from fucking up!

Missus Singapore out!

SINGLE STELLA

Stella, my friend from my school days, assures me she is a single for life. She says she enjoys it totally... but then soon after her declaration in favour for the swinging singles club she rues how empty she always ends up feeling at night. She claims she has lots of men queuing up for her but when it matters most, when she is horny and tipsy at night, when she needs some meat up her wet pussy, she just can't get any.

"Guys are always ready for it when you are not. And when you need it, they are tucked into bed," she would always complain.

She wonders why I always end up smiling at her when she says that. And I tell her, being married means you can turn on your charms, put the meat in the steamer and have it hot and throbbing for you anytime of the day, or night.

Then she scoffs at me, telling me marriage is not all about sex.

Haha. My answer, it IS all about sex. While the passionate love may transform into a form of secure love, affection and companionship, the sex keeps things hot and alive. The more adventurous you are, the better it gets. And besides, you can actually dispense with the 'getting to know you' stage and get down to some serious huffing and pumping.

I love my life and I love it even more that I can explore my sexuality freely. That draws me to the man that makes it all possible. Yes, surely not all of us may find the ideal partner but hell, what has Stella been doing all these years because she has certainly seemed to have missed the first few boats.

While a married woman like me are thinking about how I wanna get screwed tonight, she is wondering if she can even get a date.... pathetic. Get-a-going Stella, its not too late and the next time, drinks are on me you dumb ass bitch. I love ya.

Missus Singapore out!

DON'T DO THIS!

It was one of those days and hard-pressed for time, I ambushed the husband and pulled him into the shower for a quickie. I felt I was being the ideal citizen here - saving water by bathing in twos and saving time by having a fuck-cum-bath.

So there we were going at it - standing, against the wall and doggy-ing against the sink. I had already got my customary cum so it was his turn to get off. However, just when I could feel him tensing up and moaning....clang, crash, bang - the sink i was holding on to broke off its hinges. Fortunately he was holding on to my waist while he pounded me from the rear so he lifted me up and prevented my toes from being crushed and my head from banging into the wall.

It was hilarious as the porcelain shattered all around us and barefoot, we just couldn't quite walk so freely. With his dick still in me, we carefully manoeuvred our way to the doorway. We were in between laughing and focusing on where we stood.

Finally out from danger, we continued where we left off, with him finishing himself off. He was hard and I played fair and time was precious so he had to cum too.

Anyway, needless to say we have since made arrangements to get a contractor in to fix a new sink and are thinking about installing a bar in the bathroom too. It makes good economic sense if you ask me as sooner of later, age will catch up with us and we'll need it to help us around. They they just don't make sinks like they used to.

Missus Singapore out!